Calgary Herald

TO HELL AND BACK

Canadian among wave of musicians sharing mental health struggles

- DAVID FRIEND

Coleman Hell didn’t TORONTO think he’d feel so depressed when his career was going so well.

After two Juno Award nomination­s and with his banjo-infused electronic single 2 Heads in heavy rotation on mainstream radio, it seemed like all of his dreams were coming true.

But as the party happened outside, the singer often found himselfcon­finedtohis­bedroom. Itwas like magnets were pulling him toward his mattress against his will, he said.

“It’s this weird middle ground where you want to move but you can’t,” the Thunder Bay, Ont., performer said of the experience, whichhewas­inthethroe­sofabout a year ago.

“It’s something I’ve felt so many times: lying in my bed and feeling so low I can’t get up. I want to, but I can’t muster the strength.”

He describes his innermost experience on Manic, a new track he wrote in hopes of laying bare the ugliness of his bipolar disorder.

The song is both a confession­al and a reconcilia­tion with himself, in which he ultimately faces his imperfecti­ons. The 28-year-old musician was diagnosed many years ago, but had neglected coming to terms with its realities, he said.

Manic isn’t part of a new album launch — or even a song Hell planned to release — but he said thelongeri­tsatwithhi­m, themore he felt there could be value in revealing his struggles.

“I hadn’t come across a lot of songs that described the experience in any visceral sort of way,” he said.

“I thought that might be something of use to someone. I know there’salotofson­gsthatarem­aybe more hopeful, but this is a real depiction of how it feels.”

Manic arrives as more artists pour their darkest struggles with mental illness into their work.

Logic earned heaps of acclaim last year with 1-800-273-8255, a suicide prevention track that included Grammy-winner Alessia Cara on vocals.

The song was written after the rapper was diagnosed with derealizat­ion, a type of anxiety that makes the external world feel unreal.

Florida rapper Xxxtantaci­on’s entire 2017 album, called 17, leans heavilyont­hedetailso­fhisdepres­sion, with one song dedicated to the suicide of his friend Jocelyn Flores.

Rap and hip-hop are among Hell’sfavourite­genres, hesaid, and might have subconscio­usly motivated his latest song. He points to Lil Uzi Vert’s hit XO Tour Llif3, which dives into weighty feelings ofsadnessa­ndisolatio­nwhiletour­ing, as one source of inspiratio­n.

Facing his own realities wasn’t so easy, but at one point last year Hell decided enough was enough. He chose to seek profession­al help and changed his daily regimen to include more exercise and a better diet. He’s lost about 50 pounds over the past year, he said, which helped lift his spirits.

“I started going to therapy and taking procedures towards making (life) more manageable,” Hell said.

“I’m working on it, I think I’ve made a lot of progress and I feel a lot better.”

In preparatio­n for the release of Manic, Hell climbed back into his bed for an intimate music video shot on his iPhone.

The grainy, single-take clip centres on the singer’s face as he sings about the experience that crippled him for so long.

As the song played, Hell said the emotionali­ntensityof­themoment pushed him to tears.

The song “was transporti­ng me back to ... when things weren’t nearly so clear for me,” he said.

“It’s definitely an intense thing to watch, but I think it adds to the song and maybe adds to breaking down some sort of stigma, as well.”

 ?? AARON VINCENT ELKAIM/THE CANADIAN PRESS ?? Coleman Hell remembers days when even the chart success of his hit 2 Heads couldn’t motivate him to get out of bed. The singer, 28, has released a new song directly addressing his often crippling struggle with bipolar disorder.
AARON VINCENT ELKAIM/THE CANADIAN PRESS Coleman Hell remembers days when even the chart success of his hit 2 Heads couldn’t motivate him to get out of bed. The singer, 28, has released a new song directly addressing his often crippling struggle with bipolar disorder.

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