TURNING 50 AND HAPPY FOR IT
Getting older but also getting better
A few days ago, Will Smith and I celebrated the birthday that most men dread. Where I had 50 friends gathered in a rain-soaked part of the U.K. for 48 hours, Smith was busy celebrating his half-century by bungee-jumping out of a helicopter over the Grand Canyon.
Very different types of events, yes, but the sentiment behind them was the same. We had got to an age that we wanted to mark in some way. In my case, this was because I genuinely feel better at 50 than I did at 40.
My 40th was the starting-gun to a prolonged period of darkness: claustrophobic panic attacks, almost permanent stress and tortuous introspection that made me less of a father, husband, friend and boss. I began to view the world through the prism of a disconsolate, rage-fuelled envy.
This time round, I know the milestone will not become a millstone because I had adopted a new philosophy that enabled me to protect myself from the toxic vagaries of mid-life mayhem.
I’ve also finally learned that getting older can be good for you.
Here’s why:
YOU CAN PLAY THE GAME WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE
Smile, enjoy the combat whether on the pitch or in the office but when you’re halfway through life, you know that everyone prefers the company of a good competitor to an entitled winner.
I WORKED OUT LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO PLAY WITH OLD TENNIS BALLS
When I was an unpleasant person to be around, I threw a temper tantrum with my tennis friends because I was the only one who bought new balls. Why do we fritter away fortunes on four-wheeled painted chunks of metal but penny-pinch on more meaningful little things? At 50, I know to spend more on experiences rather than goods because memories can be bought. I spend a lot of time looking after my 92-year-old widowed father who is forever telling me the things he’d wished he’d done and seen, the money he wishes he’d spent.
TIME TO REINVENT YOURSELF
Sudden redundancy compelled me to reinvent myself six years ago. It made me absorb new ways of working that enabled me to utilize my skills in entirely new ways. I listened instead of told, learned new things instead of repeating old ones. I’m still convinced my midlife success is an accident but the risk in getting there was worth it.
YOU KNOW THE DAWN CHORUS IS BETTER FOR YOU THAN THE NIGHTLY NEWSCAST
In the “dark days,” I set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. so I could get an early start and force myself to be exhausted at night so that I wouldn’t stay awake worrying. Being up for the dawn chorus inevitably means going to bed earlier. Much recommended.
YOU LEARN TO LISTEN TO MORE DISCO AND LESS DYLAN
After my 40th, I wasn’t laughing as much. Mortgages, school fees, taxes and death — they all seemed to consume me. I vividly remember the turning point — I was up late grumbling along to a favourite Bob Dylan song, “It’s not dark yet but it’s getting there ...” Miseryguts! Now, I dance to disco in the house, revel in nostalgia, behave foolishly with friends. The only misery I consume is from Scandinoir box sets. Life is not dark. It’s light with shades of dark.
YOU CAN WEAR PYJAMAS MORE AND SHOES LESS
I have the luxury of often being able to work from home. On slow days, euphemistically known as “business development days,” I have been known to wander up to the supermarket in what might look like pyjamas to you, but are in fact my business development clothes, which also include flipflops. OK, you might look like a tramp but, trust me, you’ll feel a lot younger than you did when you had to wear a suit every day.
YOU CAN DO THE THINGS YOU SAID YOU NEVER WOULD
Like getting a dog. I loathed animals and refused countless pleas from my children for a pet. And then I gave in, instantly bursting the control-freak bubble that 40-something men are so fond of. The status quo has been disrupted and new coping mechanisms have been sought.