A proposal to appease both Ottawa, Alberta

So here’s the deal, Canada: Give us our cash back and in return we’ll make Alberta the leading light of environmental stewardship for the entire planet.

You see, whilst anger is a potent fuel — and there’s lots of it readily available across our province these days — eventually it burns so ferociously there’s a real and present danger everything gets consumed in its flames.

Not that there isn’t some perverse wish to see just such a thing happen; to watch the whole economic structure of this country fall apart so we can finally respond: “Yep, told you so,” even if we’re a major casualty of that widespread collateral damage.

It’s tempting because logic is way overrated in us humans: We have a deep-seated tendency to gamble our own well-being if the roll of any particular dice puts our opponents in yet more danger. Which is why the argument that if Alberta went its own way and separated from this country, thus remaining landlocked with its major export still blocked from tidewater, doesn’t have the force many Canadians might logically presume.

As Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar pronounced: “Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of death but once.” Of course, logically, Julius could have nipped off back to Gaul, thereby avoided that fatal Ides of March moment, but hey, maybe it felt better facing liberals such as Brutus in the Roman Senate. Even if it risked being carried out on his shield.

But before scouring Amazon to find four and

Who knows more about energy than Albertans? We’ll develop procedures and technologies to lead the world.

a half million shields to bear the weight of all us Albertans (folk must have been way thinner in Ancient Rome), let’s try some offence instead of the constant defence we’ve been forced to play these last five years.

So, as we’re starting not just a new year but also a fresh decade, I’m parking the anger and trying accommodation and reason in regards to the dreary impasse involving the feds, certain other provinces and Alberta over carbon emissions and our hopes for future pipeline infrastructure.

Yes, I realize this approach will likely collapse quicker than a Flames’ playoff run, but what the heck, at this time of year hope springs anew — Weight Watchers made a fortune out of such innocent, but regular, gullibility.

So here it is, my “bring us together” plan: Ottawa annually refunds to Alberta the billions of dollars more our residents provide to the national treasury than they get back in federal spending — that’s more than $20 billion, on recent count. In return, Alberta pledges to spend all those monies making its energy sector the world’s leader in reducing carbon emissions, capturing CO2, developing battery technology, improving wind and solar power, and so on.

We will be Canada’s experimental headquarters because, after all, who knows more about energy than Albertans? We’ll develop procedures and technologies to lead the world.

If we fail, then the annual loot once again ends up in Quebec, via a short stopover in Ottawa. (And the good folk in La Belle province should also be pleased, being the most vocal of Canadians on the need to curb our national emissions. They’d be doing their own bit for this cause.)

In return, Alberta will stop beating the drum about a pipeline across that lovely province. We’ll make do with the Trans Mountain twinning, the Keystone project completion (which Canadian diplomats will, of course, mightily push) and the Enbridge Line 3 project.

However, as part of this plan to reduce emissions worldwide, Ottawa will approve major natural gas pipelines to the West Coast and build the world’s best LNG facilities, so that particular product reaches Asia and India, regions continually building dirty, coal-burning power plants to provide much-needed energy.

So, yes, we can help save the planet. (Some of us might think it’s fine anyhow, but we’ll agree to shut our mouths.) We’ll be quiet because we’re still, at heart, polite Canadians — hopefully for a little while longer, at least.