SEPARATION ANXIETY
The real cost of social distancing is not measured in dollars
Distancing takes it toll on families
For months, we’ve all been practising social distancing. We’re staying six to 10 feet apart to avoid transmission of the COVID-19 virus.
And then there’s my friend Susan Godwin, a Montreal suburbanite whose distance from her three daughters is measured in kilometres, rather than feet.
Eldest offspring Natalie Cousineau-grant, who is 46, is an emergency room physician in Barrie, Ont. Stephanie, 43, is a lawyer in Calgary. Diane, 39, is pursuing a physiotherapy degree while teaching stretch therapy in — wait for it — Brisbane, Australia.
Total separation between Godwin and her three daughters: 20,700 kilometres … give or take a kangaroo hop.
“Over the past couple of months, social distancing has become, to most people, a new normal,” Godwin said in a safe-distance phone chat. “In my world, distancing has been the norm since the time when my children were young adults and anxious to be independent … as I was at the same age.”
Godwin’s daughters completed their secondary education in Montreal, then scattered to pursue university degrees and diverse careers. Godwin was happy to see the girls indulging their interests and “unafraid to attempt new experiences.” But she admits to being not so happy that they’re all far away.
“Staying in touch with Diane has been a challenge,” Godwin says, “because of the 14-hour time difference, and internet time for her was at a premium. We relied on emails, texts and some phone calls.”
When her youngest daughter got increased internet time, they were able to connect on Skype.
“This was a game-changer for me,” Godwin said, “since seeing her on screen helps alleviate some of the sense of separation.”
Growing up in the 1950s and ’60s, we didn’t have Skype.
And I didn’t need it. My divorced mother and I lived in a small apartment across the street from my grandparents’ duplex.
During the early years of elementary school — which was a few blocks away — I’d come home for a lunch my grandmother whipped up. If my friends and I weren’t playing sports in the street — interrupted by notifications of “Car!” — I’d be hanging out and listening to my grandfather’s stories — many of them true — until Mom got home from work. (She was a bookkeeper in Montreal’s then-thriving shmatte business.)
My best friend in elementary and high school, Robert Taylor, was a few blocks away. I often visited the flat where he lived with his parents and paternal grandmother, who occupied a rocking chair near a gas-fired heater.
Three generations: proximity in my case, under one roof for my friend.
There are still multi-generational housing units in Montreal. And proximity, which has been one of the primary factors cited in my city’s difficulty in dealing with COVID-19.
Godwin doesn’t live in a congested neighbourhood. Like me, she’s out in the ’burbs, where distancing is not a near-insurmountable challenge.
But distance in kilometres can be a heartstring-tugger.
On Mother’s Day, Godwin posted Facebook photos of Cousineau-grant’s two children. The caption: “The joys of isolation. (I miss these two like crazy.)”
The “joy” reference was sarcastic. Godwin is counting the days — and who knows how many? — until she can hop on Via Rail and the GO Train, heading for Barrie to see the grandkids.
“In the days of COVID-19, I hear from my daughters frequently,” Godwin said, “and our conversations are considerably longer.”
She believes it’s brought them closer, in spite of kilometres of separation.
“This is a huge benefit for me,” Godwin said, “as it helps alleviate some of the sense of isolation and concern, which has been a result of two months of living alone ‘safe at home.’”
Godwin is looking forward to an easing of confinement and travel restrictions.
But like me and every other septuagenarian, she knows we’re on the clock.
“At 73,” Godwin says, “I wonder if this pandemic has cut drastically the number of times I will see my family in my lifetime.”
Staying in touch with Diane has been a challenge because of the 14-hour time difference, and internet time for her was at a premium.