Seasonal loneliness sparks the call to action
The past nine months have been challenging as we each have done our best to respond to the measures associated with the COVID-19 pandemic. These have been days unlike any we have ever experienced. We are weary of the word “unprecedented” used in news reports almost daily. These have been hard days no matter our status in life.
Many of us have had events cancelled this year, including social gatherings, birthdays or graduations. Many have experienced altered rites of passage such as weddings, anniversaries and funerals. And each of us has experienced some sense of loneliness in this season of COVID-19.
Often the experience of loneliness is also a reality in the Christmas season, but the pandemic has increased this feeling even more. Why? Because many of us are alone, or unable to engage in the usual festivities that the Christmas season provides.
Often we think that loneliness is due to lack of contact, but in fact it isn't about our number of friendships, or connections, or “likes” on Facebook and connections on other social media. Funnily, this kind of connecting can actually increase our sense of loneliness. Ever heard the phrase “lonely in a crowd”? That is what this is. It is the feeling of being alone in the midst of many visible connections. I have experienced being lonely even though I am in a crowd of hundreds of people.
Loneliness is an experience we all have and it emerges in different ways. Sometimes in the night when we awake in a panic, or when we see others socializing and we aren't included. Or when we have lost a loved one via death or distance and we miss their presence. Sometimes it is when we walk among the locked-down empty streets and closed buildings. Loneliness is a common experience, especially at Christmas.
So what do we do? How do we combat loneliness? Alex Beirman, who teaches in the University of Calgary Department of Sociology, has helped me understand this. He suggests that two key factors help the struggle against loneliness. The first is when people feel that they matter. When people feel that they matter, they are valued and needed, and feelings of loneliness diminish.
Our job is to remind people that they do matter. This is embodied in a comment, a text, or an email. Even an emoji can let someone know they matter. When we know we matter, or make a difference to someone, we feel better about our situation and the bonds of interconnectedness deepen.
The second weapon to battle loneliness is agency, which refers to the ability to do something. When we have something to do, we are lifted up. When we are able to act, we feel empowered. When some action is called for and we are able to respond, we have agency. Having something to do helps us get out of bed and be active in the world.
Funnily, these two messages — that we matter and we have agency — are the very heart and truth of Christmas. The birth of Jesus is the Christian doctrine of incarnation, the word for becoming flesh. Jesus is “God with skin on.” His message, “you matter” is experienced in story after story of his engagement with the least, lost and the lonely. Continually, Jesus engages with the one who is shunned, the one who feels they don't matter and he proclaims their worth. Rich, poor, ill, smart, abandoned, afraid — all are welcomed and told that they matter.
The birth of Jesus at Christmas invites us into the work we can do — this is agency. Jesus reminds people that when they feed the hungry, clothe the naked and offer drink to the thirsty, they are doing it unto him. This call to action is what an awake faith looks like.
The work Jesus calls us to do is here, in this world. It is not simply a message about life after death. The next world is a mystery. It is in God's hands — good hands, I might add. However, this world needs our hands, feet and voice to make it what God dreams it to be. We are called to continually remind people they matter and invite them to join us as we are all in this together. The pandemic and Christmas call us to work for the common good.
Loneliness is part of life. But being reminded we matter and that we are called into action help to birth the true message of Christmas in our world.