It's never too early to speak to kids about hurt of residential schools
Keep information age appropriate, but revisit as they mature, counsellor says
It's never too soon to start talking to your kids about residential schools and the injustices suffered by Indigenous children there, says Shana Cardinal, an Indigenous therapist and registered social worker.
In fact, she's had many of those conversations, one as recently as Thursday with a nine-year-old she sees at her practice. The topic had come up in discussion at school, prompting the child to ask Cardinal about it.
“(They) knew the term residential school, (but) didn't know what it was about,” said Cardinal. “They thought it was like a condo setting, they get their own room and what not.”
So, Cardinal had to explain. She started by asking a question: “You know how you love your family and your family loves you?”
“Yes,” the child replied.
“We had some adults that were working for the government,” Cardinal continued. “Just close your eyes and imagine them coming to your house in the middle of the night and taking you away from your family and loved ones and placing you in an unfamiliar building. You've never been there before, full of other kids and you never got to see your parents again.”
The thought was a difficult one, and the child shed some tears. Next they drew a picture of what that might look like. Cardinal had the child imagine what they would say to their family if they could see them again.
“I love you. I missed you,” they said.
Although it was hard for the child to hear, she believes they walked away with a better understanding of the kids who lost their lives at residential school, a reality top of mind for many as the recent discoveries of unmarked graves at former residential schools in B.C. and Saskatchewan's Cowessess First Nation grip the country.
Owner of Cardinal Sage Holistic Wellness Centre in Regina as well as a Regina Public Schools counsellor, Cardinal said having these kinds of conversations with young people can be hard, but is absolutely necessary.
“For non-indigenous people, the adults have to do some research themselves before having those sensitive conversations with their own kids,” she said during an interview Friday.
Learn what residential schools were, how they operated, what the Truth and Reconciliation Commission calls to action are and then talk to your kids about it in a way that honours the truth, but is appropriate for their age, respecting cognitive abilities and the child's own potential history with trauma.
As your children grow, she said, revisit the issue and build on their knowledge through their schooling and their teachings at home.
She said the school system is in the beginning stages of this kind of approach as it integrates Indigenous history into curriculum for each grade.
“I would never tell someone how to parent their child, but ... if as a society we're going to change and if we're going to acknowledge and stop racism, stop some of the wrongs ... we need to have these discussions with our young people,” said Dwayne Yasinowski, the director of education for Caring Hearts, a Saskatchewan non-profit based in Regina that offers palliative and bereavement care through education, advocacy, counselling and support.
With the help of Indigenous elder Lorna Standingready, Caring Hearts works often with survivors of residential schools, those suffering from intergenerational trauma, and youth.
Yasinowski says we don't give kids enough credit for their ability to learn and process important and difficult issues such as residential schools.
“We need to be honest with them because otherwise they're going to ... look for the answers somewhere else and who knows where they find those,” he said.
Of utmost importance is being open and honest if your child asks about residential schools, Yasinowski said. If the recent news out of Kamloops and Cowessess has made them emotional, help them identify what they are feeling and why. From there, answer their questions and help carry the conversation.
“You don't need to go into all the graphic detail necessarily, depending on the age of the child, but there should be discussion,” he said.
And it doesn't take the worst details in order to address the issue, said Cardinal. The fact that children were removed from their home, never got to see their family again, had their hair cut off and got assigned a number instead of a name illustrate the tragedy just as well. “It's never too early to start these conversations,” she said.
Resources for those seeking guidance
on how to talk about residential schools with young ones and in need of assistance themselves:
Answering The Calls: A Child's View of the 94 Calls to Action (a book that simplifies the calls to action so they can be more easily understood by children)
The Indian Residential School Survivors Society (those in need of support can call 1-800-721-0066, toll free, or the 24-hour crisis line at 1-866-925-4419)
First Nations Children and Family Caring Society
Parents can also look on their children's school website to see how the issue is being addressed or ask their child's educators directly about how they are incorporating sensitive topics into the classroom.
Regina Treaty/status Indian Services crisis hotline can be reached at 306-522-7494.
The Gathering Place is hosting Zoomsharingcirclesforsettlersand allies at 6 p.m. daily until June 30. A sharing circle for Indigenous youth is also available via Zoom at 9 p.m. daily until June 30. Call 306522-7494 for more information.