Having kids one of the best things you’ll do

Any cost or stress eclipsed by the joy they bring, Melanie Darbyshire says.

Ask any parent what their greatest accomplishment is and most will tell you it's their children. Despite the stress, expense, loss of personal time — kids truly take over your life — and notwithstanding other incredible life accomplishments, most people with children consider them the best thing they've ever, and will ever, do.

That is certainly the way I feel. From the moment my children were born, the love and devotion I feel for them is unlike anything else in my life. A profound instinct to care for, protect and guide them resides in me, and though the parameters of what that care, protection and guidance mean have changed as they've grown older (they are now 10 and 13), my fundamental role and responsibility for them has not.

It's safe to say I'm obsessed with them. How they're doing in school, what their social interactions are like, the sports they play, their physical and mental health — all of these topics occupy much of my thoughts, oftentimes more so than regarding my own life. Much of my time is spent serving them: driving to extracurricular activities; preparing meals; doing laundry; helping with homework; and disciplining.

My sister, whose kids are in the baby and toddler stage, is even more tethered to her kids, who still require her for the basics.

Between taking care of her kids, her house and working a job, her life is 200 per cent full.

But neither of us would change our lives for anything. The simple reason is the deep love we have for our children. Any cost, stress or extra wrinkles is eclipsed by the joy they bring to my life.

Kids are our present, but also our future. I see this in my parents now, who delight in being with their grandchildren. No longer responsible for the basics — that is my job — they get to enjoy all the fun. And they do, spoiling my kids with sleepovers, at celebrations, with unexpected gifts. The relationship between grandchild and grandparent is something special.

To be clear, having kids includes adopting children, and I have no doubt the feelings I have are experienced by families who have adopted.

Yet today, fewer people are having kids. In January, Statistics Canada reported that the Canadian fertility rate hit its lowest level since it began collecting data more than a century ago. The rate fell to 1.33 children per woman in 2022, a drop from 1.43 in 2021 and well below the replacement level of around 2.1.

Economic uncertainty, delayed onset of adulthood, the increase in the average age of a woman at childbirth and the decision to forgo children are all contributing factors.

The trend is not limited to Canada. Between 2021 and 2022, every G7 country, except for the U.S., experienced a dip in fertility rates. In South Korea, the fertility rate is 0.78 children per woman, the lowest in the world.

I'm not going to warn about the socioeconomic dangers of plummeting birth rates (though many are), or attempt to prescribe public policies to reverse course. All I know is this: having children is likely the best thing you will do with your life.

So do it. Forget about waiting until the perfect time — between school, career and economic goals, it's nearly impossible to find it. If you want them, children will fit into your life the way they are meant to. You won't regret them.

As the saying goes, time flies; childhood is fleeting and soon enough they will be moving out, starting their own lives. It is the sadly beautiful cycle of life, participation in which enriches like nothing else.

A final word: children aren't for everyone. For various reasons, many people just aren't meant to have kids and, of course, lead very fulfilled lives. But if you think you want them, definitely do so, sooner than later. Don't let others discourage you. Your future — society's future — depends upon it.