Notes from the Gruppetto
How to fly away from the winter blues
No need to get csad
You most likely live i n Canada. Because you live i n Canada, you most likely get afflicted with cyclist seasonal affective disorder. For those of you unfamiliar with this condition, let me quote the official definition for you.
Cyclist seasonal affective disorder (csad) is a condition that strikes during the miserable winter months, which can range from December to March, although, if one lives in Alberta, the period may start in September and end in August. Symptoms include staring out the window for long periods at a time at snow (Toronto), rain (Vancouver), ice (Montreal), growing anger at the trainer, expanding waistline, irritability toward family soigneurs, binge-watching the Tour Down Under and compulsively buying bike items while believing they could help bring better weather. Treatments include moving away from Canada and the midwinter training camp.
Yes, the midwinter training camp. If you’re hit with csad, there is no better way to cope – and prepare for race season – than by planning a training camp. Now, let’s be clear here. I’m not talking about the kind of soul-sucking training camp run by the likes of Team Ineos. Such camps include monotonous stays in some Cold War-era base high atop a mountain where you sleep in monastic rooms and eat less than half of your daily recommended calories so you can cut weight for the aforementioned tdu. Oh no. I’m talking about the kind of training camp that will have your legs and heart singing by the end – the kind where you will return to our miserable climate having broadcast your joy on Strava and with your mind and lungs ready to rip it up at the start of race season.
For those of you who have never attained such a nirvana-like experience, let me open the race book and fill you on in the features that make a training camp great.
First, and most important, is group composition. I’m not talking about bringing people with matching ftps or a dude who will gladly sit on the front for you for 50 km each day. No, you must choose people who will all get along and have a blast doing it. This past summer, for my 40th birthday, four friends and I rode from High Park in Toronto to Central Park in New York City during the course of a week. What made the trip amazing were the running jokes, routines and gags that got funnier as the week
“For those of you who have never attained such a nirvana-like experience, let me open the race book and fill you on in the features that make a training camp great.”
went on. You can ride four hours a day with any jerk, but when you’re having breakfast, lunch and dinner with the same crew, you’d better love the time together.
Second, the food. If you want to look like Geraint Thomas go drink some fizzy water and eat a whole watermelon after each ride, and then go to sleep. You won’t make the Tour team and you’ll be miserable to boot. Instead, a great training camp, in my view, involves awesome meals out, post-ride drinks and a chance to take in the local culture. A few years ago in Girona, the riding was amazing, but the food blew me away. One night, we went to a restaurant where course after course of creative food came out, culminating in an egg that was cracked open to let its yolk run out. I realized it wasn’t an egg, but a sweet dessert. It was all far more memorable than what wattage I held on the Rocacorba (255 W for my normalized power, if you are curious).
Third, make sure everyone knows how to ride cohesively. Most club riders ride the opposite way that you should. Basically, they hammer on the climbs, then ease off over the top and recover. Then, they do it again. The group shatters on every climb, and then regroups. The weaker riders blow up and the group slows down in the valleys. While the top dogs show what big legs they have, this dynamic is, to put it mildly, stupid. Instead, a group should move as a unit, riding the climbs slowly, doucement, so the group stays together. Then, the stronger riders can push it on the flats where everyone can make time together. It’s amazing how you actually move much, much faster this way. It takes a strong leader who can yell at people to stop racing up every hill. The result is worth it: the group can ride longer, together, day after day.
I could go on about co-ordinated kit, guaranteed tailwinds, epic climbs and car-free roads. There are so many keys to a successful training camp. But really, wherever you go, just get off the trainer, don’t pack your leg and arm warmers, and get the hell away from Canadian weather. Not only will you cure your csad, but you will bring joy to all those around you who are victims of your suffering. And with that, time to pack for Mallorca. Really, I’m going for my wife. Really.