Crankology

Our intrepid columnist unclips

The final turn of the crank

All good things must come to an end, or so they say. Unless they’re talking about the supply of deep-fried spring rolls at the all-you-can-eat buffet, they’re correct.

My column in the previous issue marked the 10-year anniversary of my contributions to this magazine. I know most of you have read that column at least twice, but in case anyone missed it, I waxed philosophical about what I’ve learned, how I’ve changed and the things that have remained consistent during a decade of chronicling my twowheeled adventures.

What I didn’t say in that column was that I’ve been thinking, for a while now, that it’s time to retire. As I reflected over the intervening weeks, it became increasingly clear to me that this is the right thing to do, for a number of reasons.

First, 10 years is a good long run. I really can’t believe that it’s been that long, but it has – and I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity to write for you throughout such a long period.

Second, I’ve embarked on other writing projects that are taking a lot of my time these days. I can’t reveal exactly what’s in the sausage factory right now, but I will say there’s a TV pitch that I’ve been toying with for years that I’ve finally gotten underway. How this will all play out remains to be seen, but my long-term vision does include an infinity pool overlooking the Hollywood Hills.

Third – and this may not surprise anyone who’s been paying really close attention to my column – I’m not actually riding a bike very much these days. I do still have five of them hanging in the basement. I do take them out, but much of my riding now is with my kids, and it’s been quite a while since I dropped the hammer on anyone. In fact, these days I rarely pick up the hammer in the first place. This is why I’ve written about running, skateboarding, strength training and pizza. While all of these are fundamental to a happy life and universally relatable (especially pizza), I have at times felt a twinge of guilt when I remember that this is indeed Canadiancyclingmagazine.

I’ve learned a lot writing this column. I’ve learned that no matter what deadline the editor sets for me, I won’t make it. I’m sure he’s learned that, too, as he’s a clever fellow. I don’t know for sure, but I strongly suspect that for years he’s been building a buffer into the submission schedule. [I schedule time to remove all your Oxford commas, which I will miss.— Ed.] I’ve learned that my dry sense of humour is too dry for some readers. One subscriber got very upset with me for advising people to ignore traffic lights and blow through stop signs. Someone else thought that my satirical history of the Pan Am Games was in fact accurate. No doubt there’s someone out there who actually thinks I was bragging in earnest when I said I used to be one of the most fearsome masters racers in my postal district.

But most of all, I’ve learned how gratifying it is to know how much people have enjoyed my writing. I’ve heard this in complimentary letters to the editor. (Yes, I’ve kept all three of them. I’m looking at them now, framed above my desk.) I’ve met people who are delighted when they discover that I’m the person behind this column. I never got into this for the fame, but the love from my readers has been meaningful and humbling.

So here we are, and I have to tell you, it’s bittersweet leaving this all behind. But I do believe that by stopping now, I can end on a high note. And if the esteemed leadership of this publishing empire ever decides to launch a magazine about something else I love (say, for example, pizza), I’ll be right there, napkin tucked under my chin, pen at the ready.