Fighting About Finances

Here’s how to avoid the battle and get ahead.

Cuddle up for a cash-flow conversation and you’ll reap the rewards

Why is it so hard to talk to our partners about money? The dreaded financial talk with someone we love seems to be the last taboo. Why? Perhaps we feel guilty about spending money. Or we’re embarrassed about our personal debt. Or maybe our partners are just focusing on different goals.

It’s no surprise that a study revealed that almost 60 percent of Canadian couples fight about finances. If you and your spouse fit into that statistic, here are a few ways to push the numbers in your favour.

Get on the same page. You’re closet-diving for a dress for your friend’s wedding while your partner is getting a new Ralph Lauren suit. The interior designer is coming this week to chat about the kitchen. Meanwhile, you’ve made the big decision to stop using birth control. To align your financial goals, start here: Each of you comes up with a list of wants and needs for the next three, six and 12 months. (I’ll put money down right now that you’ll be surprised at what you both agree upon.) Compare lists and choose one thing from each category that you’ll tackle together.

Set a date night. (Keep your pants on. It’s a financial date.) In most relationships, one person ends up managing the finances. Considering that many Canadians are in debt, some to the tune of 165 percent of their disposable incomes, the spouse dealing with day-to-day bill paying might be carrying all the stress of making ends meet. At least once a month, check in as a couple, so you’re both taking responsibility for your financial status.

Set up separate accounts. Decide on a percentage of your household income to allocate to a separate bank account for each of you. That way, you won’t have to justify every purchase you make – and you’ll avoid potential arguments. Ideally, you should create a couples’ account too, so you can fund more date nights without guilt.

Learn together. You’re on the same team! You don’t have to be good at math to check your credit card balance or call your cellphone company to get a better deal. Invest some time every week in educating yourselves (read a finance blog, pick up an investment book, find a free seminar or talk to an advisor at your bank). Getting on the same page financially could strengthen (or even save!) your marriage or, at the very least, prevent a few arguments.

Have fun increasing your income. We all know we need to cut expenses, but every time a friend of mine goes on a “debt diet” with her husband, it turns into an exercise in resentment (I work hard, so why do I need to cut out my daily latte?). Try the opposite approach: Brainstorm ways to increase your income, such as earning more at work, starting up a business on the side or selling stuff you don’t need anymore.

Know where the money is stashed. Create a binder that includes a master list of all banking information, locations of investments, debts (amounts and interest rates), insurance and disability policies, and employer plans and benefits. KELLEY KEEHN is a personal finance expert and the author of eight books, including A Canadian’s Guide to Money-Smart Living (The Canadian Institute of Chartered Accountants, 2012).