Include them

Make your in- laws feel like they’re an important part of the family by inviting them to regular activities and special occasions. And don’t fret about being a perfect host when they visit from out of town. “It doesn’t have to be a gourmet homemade meal every night,” says Dr. Samra. “Sit down with your spouse and talk about who does what, or plan some time for yourself.” When Shannon’s in- laws come to stay, she focuses on being a good hostess, and also on family time. “I really try to make them feel like welcome guests.” She buys them transit tickets to get around the city and makes time for them to be with their grandson.

When it comes to birthday gifts for your in- laws, choose something you can all do together; it will reaffirm that you want to spend time with them. Cheryl, for instance, once bought concert tickets for her in- laws and included the whole family. She has also organized dinners at her mother- in- law’s favourite restaurant and invited her in- laws to visit the cottage.

Your efforts to strengthen ties with your partner’s parents will be noticed, and don’t be surprised if your warmheartedness is reciprocated. As Dr. Samra says, it’s as simple as treating someone the way you’d want to be treated. Whether it’s respecting people’s time and space or contributing to cleaning and cooking, it’s often simple stuff. We all want to be appreciated.

Cheryl’s mother- in- law, Bel, had a stroke in 2014 and now lives in a long- term care facility. Cheryl keeps their connection strong by visiting regularly, sharing family stories and photos, going for walks together or having lunch at a neighbourhood restaurant. She always finds ways to give her “other mother” a giggle. “I really, really adore Bel,” she says. “I feel very fortunate. I couldn’t have chosen a better mother- in- law.”