THE GOURLEYSIMS FAMILY

THEIR BLEND: Aliesha Gourley, 34, and her three kids, Broc, 13, Payge, 10, and Josh, 8, moved in with her partner, Jason Sims, 41, and his two kids, Jayden, 11, and Jaxson, 9. While Aliesha has a joint-custody arrangement with her ex, Jason sees his kids only twice a month.

THEIR STORY: Things moved fast for these old friends who reconnected on Facebook after splitting from their partners. After five months of dating, Aliesha and Jason introduced the kids to one another. They quickly realized how expensive it was to maintain two homes and decided it would make more financial sense if they lived together. In February 2014, less than a year after they began dating, they rented a house fit for their five kids. But chaos reigned early on, while the couple struggled to find common ground when it came to disciplining the children.

It takes time for the stepparent to grow into a more parental role, says Murray, and children may push back during the transition, saying things like, “I don’t have to listen to you— you’re not my mom!”

This is exactly what Aliesha and Jason encountered. “My kids know my tone—even the look on my face—and will behave as soon as they hear it,” says Aliesha. “But Jason is a Disney dad; he doesn’t discipline his kids because he wants them to enjoy their time together. They would get away with unacceptable behaviour, so I eventually had to pull him aside and tell him he had to discipline them.”

After many arguments over how to treat their kids fairly and give them the appropriate attention, they realized they should be able to speak openly about parenting beliefs. “Now, we communicate about what strategy to use,” says Aliesha. “We talk about what happened and we try to deal with our own kids—not each other’s—because it’s easier and it’s what works for us.” All of the children understand they will be treated equally.

“It sounds like Jason and Aliesha are doing well in terms of communication,” says Murray. “Blending families and raising kids can put a lot of strain on a relationship, so it’s important to be able to turn to your partner for support and to preserve the strength of the couple’s relationship.”

THE TAKEAWAY: “It’s always advisable to let the biological parent take the lead with parenting and disciplining their own kids,” says Murray. “Kids are less likely to resent it coming from their own mom or dad, especially if the kids are older when the couple gets together.”