Make Peace With Your Inner Critic
Though impostor syndrome can push us to achieve, it can also do more harm than good, leading to anxiety, procrastination and burnout. Here’s what to do if the negatives start to outweigh the positives.
1. Know that you’re normal
We often assume that struggling with confidence in a new situation is proof that we’re impostors, says self- help speaker and author Valerie Young. But those feelings are normal. “Of course you’re going to feel off base at first,” she says. “If you’re starting a new job, instead of thinking, I don’t belong here, try, This is going to be hard for a while. This is new for me, and mastering or taking on new things is hard.” She adds that, unless you’re a narcissist, you should have feelings of self- doubt every now and then. “If it’s your first time doing something, you haven’t had time to develop the confidence that comes from prior experience.”
2. Put it in context
Consider why feelings of inadequacy are there in the first place, says computer programmer Alicia Liu. “It’s not merely a personal issue— though impostor syndrome is too often framed as purely personal. For me, it also reflected the discrimination and stereotyping in the tech industry and wider culture.” Your own experience may be rooted in childhood or exacerbated by dismissive coworkers or cultural stereotypes. “You need to sort through your beliefs about yourself and your talents and to examine which belong to you and which came from others,” says clinical counsellor Pamela Catapia. “Think about the beliefs that protect, guide and encourage you to grow versus the ones that shame and control you and keep you stuck.” When you acknowledge how other people’s attitudes might be holding you back, it’s easier to feel worthy and confident.
3. Change your mind
“If you want to stop feeling like an impostor, you have to stop thinking like one,” says Young. “This means reframing the way you think about competence, failure and fear. If you get an assignment that feels beyond you, instead of thinking, I have no idea what I’m doing, the reframe is, Wow! I’m really going to learn a lot,” she says. And remember, your body doesn’t know the difference between fear and excitement— sweaty palms and a dry throat come from both. “As you’re walking to the podium or going to meet with your boss, just keep thinking, I’m excited. The best part is that, over time, you will be.”