Back in the Saddle

When you’ve been ill, sex is often the last item on your to-do list—but that doesn’t mean it can’t move up a notch or two.

Let’sbe honest: Sex isn’t top of mind after you’ve been sick. Even sneezing and coughing from a cold or flu can drag you down, so it’s no wonder something more serious can affect your sex life. But a thriving connection after a medical condition is possible.

First, though, it’s important to know it’s OK if you’re not exactly feeling frisky. “There’s psychology related to illness and sexuality,” says Dr. Christine Palmay, a family physician in Toronto. “Depression from an illness, sideeffects from medication and body-image concerns can all lead to a lack of interest in sex.”

So don’t feel pressured to immediately return to your pre-illness state of affairs. Maybe you’ve had a mastectomy—that can be a huge blow to your femininity. Or you’ve had a heart attack and are nervous that strenuous sexual activity will cause another one. You can still be intimate. Trade cuddling for intimate touching—get as naked as you both feel comfortable with, then engage in sex talk or remind each other of favourite moves. It will do more for your relationship than sitting side by side watching TV in parallel play.

And you don’t have to worry about a subsequent heart attack after all. A study published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology in 2015 says sex doesn’t trigger a heart attack or increase your risk of a repeat. In fact, researchers found it’s actually considered “moderate physical activity…and is comparable to climbing two staircases or taking a brisk walk.” So putting a little hanky-panky back into your repertoire can’t hurt—and it might even help your recovery.

It’s also worth noting that lots of women struggle after illness. “Energy levels post chemotherapy tend not to improve for several years. In some cases, women never return to their previous level of functioning,” says Dr. Palmay. “So be gentle and patient with yourself.” And when you do eventually feel ready, “experiment, be adventurous,” she says. “Maybe sex will play a different role in your new life, and that’s OK.”