The Restoration Run

The symptoms are unmistakeable. You’ve forgotten your kids’ names. The family dog hates your guts. And you’re getting bad vibes from that person in the kitchen who you suspect you may have married at some point. I hate to be the one to break the bad news, but you’ve got an advanced case of Runner’s Guilt. It’s a common aff liction at this time of year with 20-mile long runs pre-empting our family responsibilities.

Happily, there’s a simple treatment for this scourge. It’s called, “Thinking about other people for a change.” That should be easy enough, right? But it really isn’t – not if you also want to log the necessary mileage. So, I’ve come up with a way to keep your heart rate elevated while simultaneously making deposits to your karmic bank account. I call it the “Restoration Run.”

Here’s what you do. First, draw up a list of the people in your life who are suffering. Any kind of ailment will do – a layoff, ill health, a bad break-up, etc. Enter the addresses of these aff licted souls into Google Maps. Plot a course that equals your training distance, then run.

Note: while it’s important to stop and say hello to each of your friends, try to avoid prolonged conversations. Yes, you’re on a charitable mission, but it’s equally important to build your endurance. You are encouraged, however, to give your friends a supportive hug, and – this part is crucial – you must impart a small gift. The ideal gift is small and light; something that’s easy to carry during your run. Gift certificates are perfect. So are f lash drives full of music. Packets of heirloom seeds will delight the green thumbs among your friends. Then again, if you’re feeling especially generous, you can always deliver jars of Russian cabbage borscht.

A cautionary note: 1,500 ml of Russian cabbage borscht weighs just over six pounds. Three Mason jars full, carefully swaddled in a bath towel and crammed tightly into a running backpack, weigh roughly the same as eight litres of milk. “What’s this?” said Kern, a recently-laid-off friend. “Borscht,” I said, coughing up some blood.

The ideal gift is small and light; something that’s easy to carry during your run.

I delivered the borscht during a recent 40-mile training run (I’m training for a 100-miler). To my credit, I’d cleverly planned my run so that I would unload the first jar fairly early in the run. At mile 21. “It smells a bit like armpit,” Kern said. “It’s better when you heat it up,” I said. I’m not really sure what I was thinking with the borscht. Vanity played a role, no doubt. For years, Russian cabbage borscht has been my “thing.” Friends routinely praise its velvety texture, and more than a few poets have written sonnets about its rustic complexity. Best of all, it’s a healing food; full of every colourful vegetable known to humankind. If that borscht doesn’t boost my friends’ spirits, nothing will. “What’s this?” said Caelan (she just had a hip replacement). “Borscht,” I said. “Oh.” She opened the lid and took a taste. “It tastes like dirt. Really good dirt.” Friendships demand endless compassion. And also, as it turns out, two fallen arches. When I finally got home after eight hours of running, I fought off the urge to take a nap. Instead, I took the dog for a walk. Then I gave my spouse a break from cooking.

“This soup is absolutely delicious,” she said. The Restoration Run. It’ll do you – and your family – good.