Marriage needs good communication
Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 18 years, and we have three children. I always thought we got along great. Over the past few years, we have not been as intimate as we once were and I attributed it to busy schedules, children, etc. However, recently I discovered that my wife has been having Internet chats with a particular gentleman and these chats get rather steamy.
Annie, I cannot even get my wife to hug me without resistance, but yet she can talk to a stranger like this. She doesn’t know that I have seen these conversations.
Is the handwriting on the wall? Should I prepare myself for her to leave? — Confused in Virginia
Dear Confused: Some women (and men) enjoy flirting online with anonymous strangers. It’s playacting and fantasy and they don’t believe these relationships will threaten their marriages.
But even if your wife is not looking for reallife excitement, you should not ignore this. Please don’t jump to conclusions. A crucial part of marriage is good communication.
Tell your wife you saw her chats with this man. Don’t be accusatory or angry. Simply say that you love her and this makes you sad and worried. Ask her what’s going on.
She also needs to stop contacting this man in order to regain your trust. If she refuses, hedges or indicates that there are problems in your marriage, ask her to go with you for counselling. Dear Annie: My nephew and his bride planned a small wedding ceremony with only the parents and siblings present. They made no secret of their plans. They also invited the rest of their family and friends to a big celebration a few weeks after.
Imagine their surprise when a cousin and her daughter showed up at the ceremony uninvited. This was not a spur-of-themoment thing. It involved time off of work and getting on a plane. She left right after, saying she had other plans.
How can the bride and groom get over the trauma of an uninvited guest? She ruined the wedding. What does one say to a wedding crasher who feels no shame, but wants to keep it a secret from other family members? — She Ruined the Wedding
Dear She: Please try not to be so overwrought. This cousin’s behaviour was extremely rude, but unless she got drunk, knocked over the bride and jumped into all the photos, she did not ruin the wedding. If it was that important for the ceremony to be private (after broadcasting all the details), the couple could have hired someone to stand at the door and turn away uninvited guests. This cousin’s behaviour was ill-mannered, but she simply watched the ceremony and left. Unless the bridal couple wishes this to cause lasting harm, it can be forgiven. Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Married to an Octopus,” whose husband can’t keep his hands off of her. I am in my mid 50s and dating and can give a different point of view. I envy her.
I am attractive, well educated and kind and I keep myself in good shape and enjoy socializing. But to my surprise, the men I am meeting have very little interest in romance. Where have all the loving men gone?
For the past four months, I have been dating a man whom I would almost pay to be romantic.
He never initiates intimacy and, from what he says, considers it a chore. Wow, really? I would be flattered to have a little groping and sexy talk. I am starting to feel like his sister. — Enjoy What You’ve Got
Dear Enjoy: Too much or too little of anything can be a problem. If the majority of the men you meet have no interest in intimacy, you might ask yourself whether something that’s attracting you to them is also part of the problem.