View From Away

Columnist Jen Gouthro discusses the Caper sense of humour.

When you get together with your friends, do you give each other a hard time just for the fun of it? Do your pals take it all in stride or do feelings get hurt? Do you unintentionally offend others who perhaps aren’t accustomed to your sense of humour?

It may come down to your “East Coast style” of bonding with friends, new and old.

This tendency to engage in playful put-downs has gotten me into trouble on various occasions, but only outside the Maritimes.

This is a problem because I’ve spent the majority of my adult years outside the Maritimes. As a self-admitted joker, I see goodnatured teasing as an essential part of any friendship. If a person can’t take a little gentle ribbing, we will likely never be friends.

Brits refer to this unique bonding ritual as “taking the p*ss out of ” someone. This colourful expression means to mock or tease another person in order to affectionately — but resolutely — put them in their place. I believe Cape Bretoners to be especially skilled in this area, although I’m not absolutely sure why. We just love to give someone a hard time, especially if it means skillfully pushing them off their pedestal in the process.

To be clear, I’m not talking about bullying. I’m talking about friendly and affectionate teasing, although depending on the recipient, this is fairly subjective. Bullying is an attempt to make someone feel less than, whereas giving your friend the gears is a lighthearted way of saying, “Um, you need to come down to earth now.”

But if you’re going to dish it out, you have to be able to take it as well. We all know people who can throw out amazing zingers with lightning speed, but get a wee bit sensitive if anyone bats a few zingers back.

I’ve been stung a few times myself. I always develop a slightly thicker hide after a trip home. I wish I could keep it that way permanently but alas, I usually go a bit soft living in Toronto.

My friends from Dominion always give me a hard time, but my father is the worst. For example, he has always revelled in teasing me about my “three-finger nose.” If you hold up three of your fingers beside your nose and your nose spans their width, you are also “blessed” with a three-finger nose. It doesn’t matter that his nose is bigger than mine. To this day, he still says, “Look, Jennifer.” And when I look in his direction, there he is with three fingers held up to his nose. It never gets old to him. Along with my three-finger nose, he has also gifted me with a thicker skin.

There are numerous strategies for developing a thick skin, one of which is never taking things personally.

In his book, “The Four Agreements,” Don Miguel Ruiz advises us to never take anything personally because in his words, “Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.”

Whenever I feel hurt or get my back up about something, I remind myself that others’ actions often have nothing to do with me at all. Once we get over ourselves, it’s easier to take a joke.

Perhaps that is why Cape Bretoners can dish it out as well as take it. We don’t take ourselves too seriously. And that is a gift that keeps on giving, just like a three-finger nose.