Ignore parents’ agendas in planning wedding

Q

: My parents have been divorced for over ten years. My father’s been with his wife for over five years. He cheated on my mother many times. (Sometimes I was dragged along with him.)

My mother’s been with her fiance for over three years.

I asked both my step-dad and my father to walk me down the aisle.

My dad’s refusing, he won’t “share his daughter.” He’s never really been there for me. He dated countless women, leaving me on the back burner most of my life.

I’m done with everyone fighting over MY wedding.

My fiance suggested that I walk halfway alone, and he meet me halfway because that’s what our marriage will be about: meeting each other halfway.

I haven’t talked to my dad since, but he keeps commenting on Facebook pictures of my son, saying he misses him and us. I’m just beyond done.

— Wedding Aisle Without Dad

A: The “meeting each other half-way” concept is a lovely symbol of love and compromise in your forthcoming marriage.

You’ve seen the other kind too closely and harshly, and have every good reason to make this union different from the start.

You may see more not-sosubtle reactions from your father, and even your step-dad and mom too, but any other choice would still cause problems because there’s too much past bitterness still swirling around.

Ignore it. However, being “done” with a parent isn’t always easy long-term, as they age, have needs, and regarding their contact with your children.

Take that decision one phase at a time. For now, focus on your wedding and do what you can to make it a happy event.

Q

: My husband of 12 years and I have two children. One of my husband’s sisters (A) is a single mother of two. The other (B) has no children, but is married and very financially sound.

I have a good relationship with both of them, although I’m becoming very bothered by B’s favouritism toward A and her children.

She’s taken them all to sporting events, shopping, dinners, etc. She brags about the children on social media and at family events, while hardly even interacting with ours.

When my niece turned 16, B bought her a new car!

I understand it’s natural to be closer to some family members, but it doesn’t mean my family should be left out.

My husband’s also upset by this and thinks we should confront her, but I’m not so sure. I don’t want it to seem like we care about her money or materialistic things. We just want to be included and treated fair.

Should we just try to let it go or say how we feel?

— Awkward and Hurtful

A: As sisters, it’s not unusual that they’re closer, which you seem to understand. But perhaps, because she doesn’t have children, you’ve also seen A or communicated with her more often on behalf of getting the cousins together.

Before you consider speaking up, in this case, I suggest you make your own outreach to B and also connect the children closer to her.

Invite her and her husband to something casual together say, a barbeque. Let them know when one of your children’s involved in a school play, or a sports event.

You don’t want to be false or obviously seeking anything other than more awareness and caring in the family.

But just stewing over the situation together is bound to create more resentment.

TIP OF THE DAY

Make your own best choices (with your partner) for your wedding, rather than be upset by others’ egos and past agendas.