With anti-asian hate in U.S. rising, parents grapple over whether to talk to their kids

NEW YORK — After eight people were killed in last week’s shootings at three Atlanta-area spas, including six women of Asian descent, Stefany Stuber sat down to talk to her seven-year-old daughter, Olivia.

“I really felt like this was a time for me to speak up and address the situation, address the fact that this has been happening forever, forever and a day,” said bartender Stuber, a 40-year-old Korean-american who lives in Philadelphia.

Olivia was attentive and receptive, her mother recalled, and as children often do, peppered her with difficult questions.

“She asked me why somebody would hurt people just because they were Asian,” Stuber said. “Would somebody want to hurt me just because the way that I look?”

Across the United States, Asian-americans and Asians reeled at the news of the shooting spree. Authorities said the 21-year-old white male suspect told them he had a sex addiction and that the attacks may not have had a racist motivation.

But after a year in which reports of hate crimes against Asians, regardless of their national origin, skyrocketed, the bloodshed caused more outrage, fear and demands for a government response.

Rights advocates say the surge, against the background of a long history of discrimination, is largely the result of Asian- Americans being blamed for the coronavirus pandemic, which was first identified in Wuhan, China, in late 2019. Former U.S. President Donald Trump repeatedly referred to COVID19 as the “China Virus” and “kung flu,” rhetoric that some said inflamed anti-asian sentiment.

DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

Stuber was adopted by a white couple and grew up in the predominantly white, conservative suburb of Ivyland in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. Exposure to Asian cultures was minimal if not completely absent, she said.

Although she never doubted her family’s love, Stuber said she became accustomed to compartmentalizing comments and experiences that left a deep impact.

Among the instances that stuck with her were what she described as the “pet names” she was given by some extended family members, among them “Ching Wong” and “little konichiwa.”

“I do understand the underlying intentions behind it, but I also understand the ignorance behind it, and I understand how it made me feel,” Stuber said.