Keep details of love life to yourself
In 2010, 43,869,800 people changed their relationship status on Facebook to “single,” research shows. A further 3,025,791 changed it to “it’s complicated” and 28,460,516 changed it to “in a relationship.”
While it’s impossible to deny the countless benefits social media provides to us on a daily basis, there are still some things that are better kept off-line — like our love lives.
There’s something about humans that may have existed for a long time, but it’s only recently been acknowledged: we’re all nosy, and we want to know about your relationship.
Take Kim Kardashian, for example. A sad divorce story has become the most talked about thing on the news. Media instils in us this need-to-know urgency about everyone else’s relationships, and in turn, we’re starting to think we need to share everything about our relationships, too.
That’s where we really start to get it wrong. Facebook statuses are riddled with gushing comments about super sweet, perfect boyfriends one minute, and then complaining about someone not calling back the next. We spill our guts to our mothers and best friends about our relationship problems, and while we’re perfectly entitled to do so, it may not be the smartest move.
A relationship is to be cherished between two people. No one else needs to know the nitty gritty details of what’s going on between you and your loved one, and when you start to share your relationship with your 800 Facebook friends, the relationship becomes distorted in others’ eyes. Ultimately, your relationship is about what you and your partner think and feel, not what others believe or advise you to do.
A recent study shows that 64 per cent of the people surveyed would, or do, post romantic messages on their partner’s wall for all of their Facebook friends to see and admire. When you choose to share the intricacies of your relationship with friends and strangers alike, what happens is that it becomes devalued. It loses its specialness. Do you really want everyone else evaluating your relationship?
Say that you tell your mother about something terrible your significant other did. She fumes with you and lets you vent to her. Two weeks later, you’ve moved on from the terrible thing that happened and you’ve forgiven your partner. But your mom may never let go and never be able to forgive this important person in your life, causing frustration and friction between the two of you.
I’m not saying don’t share aspects of your relationship with those closest to you. What I’m saying is to remember that some things are meant to stay between you and your partner, especially if it’s something the two of you need to work on and help each other with.
Learning how to manoeuvre a relationship in 2012 can seem complicated, when it’s really quite simple. Respect your partner as you want to be respected. And most importantly, cherish your relationship by communicating with the person who matters most in the relationship: your significant other.
Modesty, respect and privacy can go a long way in all of your relationships. If you pay mind to these lessons, you’ll be the most poised and graceful woman in the room. That I promise.