Stereotypes set to hip-hop beat
On the U.S. TV series Portlandia, Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein incarnated the clichés of West Coast hipster culture.
It made me wonder how easy it would be to fill a series with the “real hip-hop” clichés on full display at rap shows.
Standing in line before getting your junk shaken by security, you would hear people complain about how unfair it is that rap fans have to go through metal detectors based solely on the fact that the artists on stage reference guns, drug trafficking and cartoonish virility. And they wouldn’t be wrong — until a fight breaks out because someone stepped on someone else’s Jordans.
Once you make it into the venue unscathed, you always feel proud — especially if you’ve smuggled in weed or a small bottle of Hennessy cognac, another “real hip-hop” classic. The paying spectator would then proceed directly to the stage.
The unfortunate (friend, journalist, guest) who has his name on a list will have to confront “the girl.” It’s always someone’s friend. Obviously, your name is never there. If you wait long enough, and look mad/disappointed enough, she’ll let you in. All that time spent waiting at the guest-list booth doesn’t really matter because there is no chance you’ll miss the show.
Every dedicated rap fan has traumatic memories of spending seven hours in a venue for a performance that lasted only one. Rap shows are so late, they use their own “real hiphop” time frame.
Do you know what a mortuary has in common with a local rap show? You only ever go when you know someone there. Artists tend to overdo it a bit with their on-site representation. And don’t be surprised if the sound is a bit sketchy. Rap promoters prefer getting people inside early. One of the most comical outcomes of this is the sound check in front of an audience.
It usually finishes with an artist shouting at the soundman because he won’t turn up the microphone. When you think it’s all over, an army of flyer boys will swarm you. You’ll have your hands full of promo cards for upcoming shows — in case you want to experience some “real hiphop” again soon.