Childless couples experience happier marriages, study finds
But research finds mothers happier overall
For centuries, having children has been held up as the ultimate source of fulfilment and meaning in life.
However, according to one of the biggest studies ever conducted into Britain’s relationships, childless couples have happier marriages.
It found that couples without children are more satisfied with their relationship and more likely to feel valued by their partner than couples with children.
The study, by the Open University, involved interviews and surveys with more than 5,000 people of all ages, occupations and sexual orientations.
When asked to rate the quality of their relationship, those without children emerged as happier overall.
For both men and women, those who did not have children ranked the quality of their relationship more highly than those who did.
They also did significantly more to “maintain” their relationship, such as taking time to go out together or talk, than those with children.
As part of the study, which also involved interviews and diary-keeping, couples were asked in a survey to rate their satisfaction with their relationships, partners and lives in general. The responses uncovered a marked gender divide as well as one between those with and without children.
Mothers are happier overall than any other group even if they are less happy with their partners. Childless women were the least happy group, although they appeared to have the most satisfying relationships. By contrast, men with children emerged slightly less happy than those without.
Mothers were also among the most likely to rate themselves as being dissatisfied with their marriage or relationship or show signs of growing estrangement from their partner.
The study, funded by the U.K. Economic and Social Research Council, concluded that women were far more likely than men to transfer their focus to their children — often to the frustration of partners.
“It does seem that women are getting a greater sense of happiness with their life from their children than fathers,” said Dr. Jacqui Gabb, a senior lecturer in social policy at the Open University, who led the study.
When asked to list the things they disliked most about their relationships, fathers were more than twice as likely to list a lack of sexual intimacy than mothers. But the study found no clear link between this and relationship strain.
“There didn’t seem to be a negative impact on the relationship if there was a difference between sexual frequency and desire,” Gabb said.
The study also uncovered a hidden passion among couples for closing the curtains, putting on some music and dancing together.
The research found that gestures such as saying “thank you” or simple praise were ranked among the best ways of strengthening relationships.
Ruth Sutherland, the chief executive of Relate, a U.K. charitable group that offers relationship counselling, said: “It’s the small gestures of appreciation and affection, rather than the big romantic displays that really make the difference.
For those who have been through a painful breakup or divorce, the study offers a note of hope. It showed that those who had been in a previous long-term relationship were more likely to take steps to strengthen their current relationship than those who had not.
“This is a shift away from the idea that they are just failed relationships to be put in a cupboard and forgotten about,” Gabb said.
“It shows they have learned something through them, therefore it can be an enriching experience.”