Stress of dementia can kill caregivers too
Don’t neglect your own health as you cope with spouse’s illness Caregivers become so involved with the welfare of their spouse that they neglect their own well-being. Consequently, their health goes downhill and they succumb to serious stress-related illnesses.
In fact, 78 per cent of the caregivers die before their spouses.
Dementia will kill everyone it touches — if we let it.
As the care provider, you must take care of yourself. This is not being selfish but is a matter of survival. What will your partner do if you are not around?
In a crisis, your spouse will be moved to a care facility, and you could be critically ill and unable to help either of you. Your health must come first.
You must believe that a long-term care facility is a safer and happier place for your spouse. Indeed, we could be called selfish for not moving them to a care facility sooner.
We all wait too long to act for a placement because we believe we are indestructible and we love our partner.
As this is Alzheimer Awareness Month, I’d like to share with other caregivers the things they should do first:
1. Have your partner get a thorough medical exam and have your doctor check for the possibility of dementia.
You too should get a complete medical exam. Be honest with your physician about how you feel. Stress kills.
2. Contact your local community health centre. Staff there will arrange home care after an evaluation of need. Also inquire about respite (time away for you) care.
In my case, our health centre also did a dementia assessment and contacted our physician with the results. Should their assessment of your spouse be positive for dementia, they will get you into the system for eventual long-term care placement.
3. See your lawyer and make certain all your paperwork is in place such as signing authority and the personal directive. This must be a priority.
4. Make sure your spouse stops driving, as driving safely is no longer possible after progressive dementia is diagnosed. Talk to your doctor about how to handle this.
5. When you feel overwhelmed, contact your doctor for help. If you are not sleeping or eating properly, you are overwhelmed. Get help. Consider joining a support group.
6. Start thinking about care placement for your spouse. Your community health care and your physician will complete the necessary paperwork to apply for the placement. He or she will not get better. Placement is inevitable and you must survive.
7. Your finances through your credit cards and chequing account can also be at risk. Take immediate steps to safeguard yourself from possible fraud or inappropriate spending. Remember that your personal identification number is not necessary for phone purchases.
Should your partner be suffer from dementia, you will soon realize how engaging your spouse can be when others, including some of your family, are around. They might say there is nothing wrong.
Unfortunately, some people will always be in denial. None of them have been through your struggles, so do not be sidetracked and keep pushing for placement.
Do not feel guilty. You, your community health care centre and your physician are not wrong.
I hope this article will help others. I have not been trained on dementia; I am just a survivor.
I was blessed by having my son and daughter introduce me to the Red Deer Alzheimers Society for help. They all saved my life.
I cried and stumbled, then cried and stumbled some more.
I still have my bad days. Even writing this is giving me tears. However, I have survived and my wife is happy and well cared for in a longterm care facility.
Please, heed my words. Dementia will kill you if you disregard its danger and do not react promptly.
Be a survivor.