‘Curbing’ wheels on Lamborghini costly
A stray glance was all it took to cause damage costing thousands to Aventador
It is a sound no automobile journalist wants to hear. It is the sound of beauty being tarnished, money being tossed out the window and plain old red-faced embarrassment. It is also, if you listen closely enough, the sound of reputation being sullied, of having to slink back to an automotive distributorship like a philandering husband skulking back from an ill-conceived night “out with the boys.” It is the sound — expensive and humiliating — of “curbing” the wheels of a $540,000 Lamborghini.
Just so we’re on the same page, it should not need mentioning that no mere crunching of metal or dinging of plastic, no matter how pricey the damage or exotic the automobile, even remotely compares to true personal tragedy. Nonetheless, schmucking a couple of grand worth of high-tech, forged aluminum APP Tech wheels definitely ranks as a downer.
Had the same thing occurred when Luca Venturi, Pagani’s extremely permissive public relations director exalted me to drive his $1.4-million U.S. Huayra “like I rented it,” or horning through Italian tornanti switchbacks in a Ferrari 458 Speciale, I could at least claim the damage as a war wound, an automotive red badge of courage if you will. Had I swerved dramatically to avoid hitting a child — or even a squirrel, for that matter — I could have basked in the warm glow of a true calamity avoided.
Instead, my story is one of everyday distraction, the kind that plagues — usually innocently — every day of our lives. I was shooting photos of the phantasmagorical bone-white Aventador in a remote location and, after an hour of serving as our almost pornographic model (I’m sorry for the gratuitous sexual reference, but Lamborghinis really are as close to raw, animalistic carnality as mere metal gets), the darned thing wouldn’t start. First worrying that I had depleted the battery — and wondering how much experience a CAA tow trucker might have at boosting a Lamborghini — I finally figured it was the alarm system thinking we had stolen the car.
Though quickly reset, my nerves were jangled nonetheless. So when the instrument panel later flickered while parking, I peered down for a closer look. You know what happened next: One second you’re innocently heading to your barber for a quick $40 straight-razor shave and shampoo and the next, you’re looking at a year’s university tuition worth of scraped wheel.
Again, what bothers me so much was the complete innocence of the entire debacle, quite literally how “it could have happened to anybody.” The deeper point of reflection, however, is that any distraction, deliberate — texting while driving — or the fleeting — glancing at said instrument panel — is fraught with disaster whether you’re piloting a 700-horsepower road rocket, or a 74hp Mitsubishi Mirage.
And yet, manufacturers want to load up our cabins with even more visual, auditory and sensory inputs. Indeed, as I write this, I am heading off to a connected car conference which promises even more “life/ car integration” and the ability to deliver “context-rich content,” little of which, methinks, is going to keep our eyes on the road.
Besides, too many of us already think we can get away with cellphoning while driving. Oh, to be sure, we all agree that the other guy needs to be penalized for texting behind the wheel, but hey, I have superior driving abilities and any prohibition need not apply to me.
Nor does a dangerous distraction need to contravene any laws: Tweezing your eyebrows in traffic or just searching through your glove box for the breath mints you left in there two months ago will take your eyes off the road far longer than the imagined flicker of gauge that now has me writing big checks. Hell, manually tuning your radio to your favourite classical music station is enough to travel 200 metres without any idea of where you’re going. The mind shudders at the prospect of even more distraction while driving.
And, yes, thank God there were no children around.
One of the common assaults launched at auto journalism is that we scribes get a free ride. And, indeed, Lamborghini Canada did refuse my insistence on paying for the paint damage caused by my momentary distraction. But, for the record, a sizable donation has been made to Volkswagen Canada’s favoured charity, United Way Centraide Canada.