Ted 2 has funny bits, fuzzy plot.
Quirky followup Ted 2 has funny moments, but its plot is fuzzy
My apologies: I think this film might be my fault. When the first Ted came out in 2012, I pointed out that it avoided “the theologically loaded notion of the existence of an ursine soul, and the equally problematic if more prosaic question of why he’s always naked.” Ted 2 tackles the first query head on, and skirts the second by putting the selfaware stuffy in a tiny three-piece suit for weddings and court appearances.
That’s right: Ted 2 could also be called Ted Gets Married, to Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), a coworker at the grocery store where the bear works as a checkout clerk. But it could also be called Ted Goes to Court, as the talking teddy must prove that he’s a person, lest he lose his rights of self-determination and the ability to hang out with his best friend (Mark Wahlberg) and smoke weed. It’s basically Pineapple Express meets Twelve Angry Men, with bits of A.I. and Toy Story 2 thrown in. Seth MacFarlane is the creative force behind this mash-up, with credits as director, co-writer, producer and the voice of Ted. Pity he didn’t spend more time in the editing suite, as the resulting 115 minutes are (A) easily 25 minutes too long, and (B) narratively ragged to the point of shapelessness.
Take Ted’s desire to become a father, hampered by his lack of reproductive organs: He was originally a Teddy Ruxpin-type of toy created by Hasbro, not known for its attention to anatomical detail. After paying visits to Sam J. Jones (a.k.a. Flash Gordon from the 1980 movie of the same name) and an NFL quarterback, Ted decides to call on John (Wahlberg) for sperm donation, which logically should have been his first thought.
The bear’s planned parenthood catches the attention of some never-seen legislators, who define him as property, thus setting him on a legal quest for civil rights. His lawyer, Sam (Amanda Seyfried), is a bong-smoking love interest for John. Not very original, but a bastion of novelty compared to Giovanni Ribisi, who merely reprises his psycho character from the first movie.
In addition to random cameos by actors, comedians, late-night talk-show hosts and the like, Ted 2 includes a bunch of scenes that, while individually funny, don’t really connect to the larger story. Ted’s bad driving is one such instance, as is John’s hobby of getting stoned and then chucking apples at passing joggers. Or, if he can find only one apple, just getting stoned.
There are numerous references to Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and even Jurassic Park, which is easier done than said when an entire chunk of the film takes place inside New York Comic Con. But how is it that the whole personhood notion has only sprung up now and not in the previous decades of Ted’s life? And why is Wahlberg’s character single again?
The answer is simple: The screenplay (from the same trio as Ted) giveth and the screenplay taketh away, as often and as necessary to make the plot creak and groan into motion, and to heck with character development or even consistency. But whereas the first Ted was buoyed somewhat by the benefit of ingenuity, this one actually features a line of John yelling: “Oh my God, déjà vu!”
It may seem a little nitpicky to demand decent cinematic values from a wacky comedy about a foul-mouthed children’s toy, but any good movie deserves care and attention to detail. Ted 2 feels slapdash, delivering sporadic, quirky, often hilarious bits of fun, but failing to come together as a whole. However, in the interests of forestalling Ted 3, and in keeping with this one’s judicial theme, I have no further questions.