Mother blameless for loss of pregnancy

Q: My wife had a miscarriage and she’s sure she did something wrong. What can I tell her to make her feel less guilty? A: We’re very sorry to hear that you and your wife experienced a miscarriage. Statistically though, miscarriage usually happens only once, and most women who miscarry can go on to have healthy pregnancies.

There are so many mistaken ideas about miscarriage. For example, you may think that miscarriages are unusual, since most people don’t talk about them. But while about 15 per cent of pregnancies that a woman is aware of end in miscarriage, the March of Dimes says about 50 per cent of all pregnancies do miscarry, at a very early stage.

That’s because about 60 per cent of the time, a miscarriage is the body’s natural way of reacting to chromosomal abnormalities in the fetus; other triggers are endocrine or autoimmune problems. A miscarriage is the body’s hard-wired ability to assure that most babies will be healthy when born.

Unfortunately, according to a new survey published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology, most folks don’t understand the cause of miscarriage. As many as 76 per cent of people said acute stress could trigger a miscarriage, while 74 per cent blamed persistent stress and 64 per cent thought lifting heavy objects could be the cause. Other mistaken ideas about the causes included past sexually transmitted infections, past abortions, past use of an intrauterine device or other birth control and even not wanting the pregnancy.

The study also reveals that among those who had a miscarriage, more than one-third thought they could have prevented it, 41 per cent said they felt they did something wrong and almost half felt guilty. All those mistaken ideas about what triggers a miscarriage lead to guilt and regret that isn’t called for.

So, we hope this will help assure you and your wife that she’s not to blame and that you can both look forward to the healthy family that you want.