Can't we all just get along to make city streets safer?

Choose conversations over confrontation, Tyrel Brochu urges.

Earlier this week, I was riding my bike to work and I had a close call with a driver that passed within one metre of me. It was a scary incident — and unnecessary because two seconds later they would have had plenty of room to safely pass. Shortly after, I saw where they parked, so I had the opportunity to confront them.

But I don't like confrontation. And

I don't want to choose a response that attacks the person — or is perceived to attack the person — instead of their behaviour. Especially when we are bombarded with stories of road rage and messages that create division and us-versus-them mentalities. Could I use this opportunity to share how their behaviour impacted me while recognizing the humanity in them and acknowledging the potential that we all have to make mistakes and to learn from them?

When they exited their vehicle, they didn't make eye contact and proceeded in the opposite direction. The body language said to me: I don't want a confrontation. I would have felt the same way.

So, I left without saying anything, wrote a letter describing what happened and the impact it had on me, and placed it under their windshield wiper. Here are some excerpts:

“Thank you for not hitting me with your car … It's easy to shrug off a close call because nothing bad happened. But it's also easy for something tragic to happen when a big heavy vehicle hits a fleshy body. I also know that people make mistakes, so I always search for systemic and structural changes that can prevent harm when people make mistakes.

Close calls and road conflicts are often fleeting moments, with no opportunity to meaningfully engage.

“I'd love to have a chat about this if you're willing because I think it's critical that we each recognize our humanity in this situation and our shared responsibility to care for others who share the road. I never want anyone to go through a scary situation like that.”

They texted me back the next morning to apologize: “Just want to say that I am so very sorry for driving too close to you. I have no excuse. I feel very bad about it and I wish I could go back and do it differently, I would have been more patient. I don't even know what else to say except again I'm really sorry. Thank you for the note, I think it's good for you to share how my actions impacted you.”

I opened the door to having a conversation about safer streets advocacy, building better communities, and even joining the neighbourhood bike club if they have a bike. But even if this is the last encounter we have, I'm glad it was a positive one.

I realize most people don't get this chance. Close calls and road conflicts are often fleeting moments, with no opportunity to meaningfully engage. Maybe there is some shouting or hand gestures; but one generally just has to continue on and mull over what happened in the hours to follow.

I also know there are users of the road who are aggressive, hostile and feel entitled to occupy the space with no inconvenience to them. I have experienced this with people who are travelling by vehicle, bicycle, e-scooter — heck, even moving walkways in airports! So I can empathize with the feelings of anger and righteousness that stir up when we are faced with such behaviour, especially when one's safety or life is threatened.

Can we build a world that extends kindness, empathy and love to others when their behaviour is not kind, empathetic or loving? I hope so.