Lake house dust-up roils long­time friend­ship

Edmonton Sun - - LIFE - Amy DICKINSON

Dear amy: Re­cently, I went to join my two clos­est friends and their hus­bands at “Betsy’s" lake house. I ar­rived early. My friends had gone into town.

Betsy’s hus­band was sit­ting out­side, and I walked down and said hello, but he didn’t ac­knowl­edge me. So I asked him, “Do you want to be alone? Should I come back later?” He said yes, and I left in tears and drove the two hours back home. He was so rude and un­kind, and I felt so un­wel­come.

I texted Betsy that I was head­ing home and told her what had oc­curred.

She said she dis­likes the way he treats me, but didn’t want to end her mar­riage. They’ve been mar­ried for 10 years and she and I have been friends for 20.

We have gone on fam­ily va­ca­tions and have had many hol­i­days to­gether. I con­sider her my fam­ily.

I have al­ways ex­cused his be­hav­iour as him be­ing so­cially awk­ward. I’ve never re­acted or taken it per­son­ally un­til now.

I’m at a loss. He texted a half­hearted apol­ogy days later, but I’m fairly cer­tain it was un­der pres­sure from his wife.

Even if my friend was will­ing to have us in the same space again, I don’t know how I would not take his oc­ca­sional rude­ness and short­ness with me per­son­ally. It IS personal.

I don’t want to lose Betsy, or to miss out on our fam­ily trips and hol­i­days.

What now? — bereft

Dear Bereft: “betsy” seems to be­lieve that she needs to choose be­tween you and her hus­band, and I as­sume you hope this is not the case, be­cause adults should have the free­dom to main­tain what­ever healthy friend­ships they pos­sess with­out their part­ner’s par­tic­i­pa­tion. How­ever, are you box­ing her in?

I would urge you to con­sider and ac­cept that the guy just doesn’t like you — and un­less you can take re­spon­si­bil­ity for a spe­cific in­ci­dent or at­ti­tude that might have con­trib­uted to this dy­namic ... so what? It’s on him. (If I re­fused to be in the com­pany of peo­ple who don’t like me, I’d never leave the house.)

Leav­ing the scene in tears demon­strates a level of sen­si­tiv­ity to­ward this man’s be­hav­iour that he prob­a­bly doesn’t de­serve.

the abil­ity to be in peace­ful prox­im­ity to peo­ple who don’t like us is one mark of ma­ture adult­hood. It is some­thing for you to work on.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Canada

© PressReader. All rights reserved.