A guy-ap­proved guide to Tin­der.

Seven Tin­der tricks men want you to know.

ELLE (Canada) - - Elle - By Natalie Nanowski

two hours af­ter my ex-boyfriend moved out, my phone rang—I had landed a job in Mon­treal. It was a breath of fresh air. In­stead of hold­ing back tears each time I passed by our favourite Toronto cof­fee shop, my sin­gle life would be filled with wine dates and walks through Old Mon­treal.

But af­ter months of fre­quent­ing dive bars, re­al­ity hit, and I knew I needed to find a bet­ter way to meet peo­ple. So I gave in to my friends’ pleas and joined Tin­der.

When the ap­pli­ca­tion launched in 2012, many, in­clud­ing my­self, con­sid­ered it a straight ver­sion of Grindr, the site de­signed for gay, bi­sex­ual or cu­ri­ous men to hook up any­where in the world. But as I swiped through pic­tures of nearby sin­gles on Tin­der, I re­al­ized that it’s more than a quick fix for a one-night stand. The app has be­come a vir­tual bar where peo­ple meet. If the el­i­gi­ble bach­e­lor I “like” hits the green check mark on my pro­file, we can start mes­sag­ing each other—it’s as if we’ve locked eyes at a lo­cal wa­ter­ing hole. So I started chat­ting and even dat­ing. But all the Tin­der fails be­came frus­trat­ing. Why didn’t some of my most in­trigu­ing matches lead to dates? And why weren’t some of the guys I matched with strik­ing up con­ver­sa­tions? Was I sup­posed to mes­sage them first? Could some­thing that seemed so sim­ple (swipe right!) re­ally be this com­plex?

I needed an­swers, so I de­cided to go to the source: men. Here are a few tips they shared with me that helped max­i­mize my Tin­der dat­ing ex­pe­ri­ence: NO SELF­IES Your best duck face might be funny to a friend, but it’s a turnoff for most men. Although all the men agreed that your first photo should be a clear head­shot, they thought self­ies show a lack of self-con­fi­dence. h

Dave, 31, a lawyer in Toronto “It shows a cer­tain type of girl. How many self­ies did she have to take be­fore she ac­tu­ally got one she liked?” Joseph, 34, a pro­ducer in Van­cou­ver “You should be able to find good pic­tures of your­self taken by other peo­ple. If you can’t, it’s kind of a warn­ing sign. It also kind of sug­gests nar­cis­sism.” Ju­lian, 29, an acupunc­tur­ist in Toronto “Only hav­ing blurry pic­tures of your­self or pic­tures from one an­gle gives me the im­pres­sion you’re hid­ing some­thing.” LIMIT GROUP SHOTS The other ex­treme is load­ing your pro­file with shots of you and your friends hav­ing a good time. Men don’t want to play Where’s Waldo to fig­ure out which brides­maid you are. Greg, 27, a jour­nal­ist in Mon­treal “There’s an­other girl at ev­ery swipe. If I’m not sure which one you are, I’m say­ing no.” Joseph “It’s es­pe­cially an­noy­ing when it’s the first photo. You have one photo to get my at­ten­tion, and you failed.”


No one wants to read para­graphs of likes and dis­likes. But most men find Tin­der’s bio sec­tion un­der­uti­lized. Say a bit about your­self; list your true in­ter­ests or what you’re look­ing for. Then use your pho­tos to show your­self ac­tu­ally do­ing those ac­tiv­i­ties. Ju­lian “It doesn’t have to be the unau­tho­rized bi­og­ra­phy of Tin­der Girl 86. But text is a way to re­ally get across how your mind works.” Les­lie, 29, a pol­icy an­a­lyst in Toronto “It’s like a re­sumé. There are hun­dreds of girls out there, so you have to have some­thing that stands out.” Vin­cent, 30, a sales rep in Mon­treal “Fa­mous quotes are a turnoff. There’s one quote that girls use by Mar­i­lyn Mon­roe: ‘If you can’t take me at my worst, you don’t de­serve me at my best.’ That’s ag­gres­sive. I have no in­ter­est in know­ing you at your worst or best at the mo­ment. It tells me noth­ing about who you are.” SEND THE FIRST MES­SAGE Make a move and keep the con­ver­sa­tion flow­ing. There’s no need to wait sev­eral hours be­fore re­spond­ing to a mes­sage.

Adam, 32, who works in me­dia in Mon­treal

“Al­ways hav­ing to reach out with a witty com­ment is stress­ful. It’s hot if a girl mes­sages me first.” Vin­cent “Some­times it takes hours for a girl to mes­sage me back. By then the con­ver­sa­tion has lost mo­men­tum.” DON’T FAKE I T Also known as “Be your­self.” Men want to see if you have the same type of hu­mour and be re­as­sured that you have enough shared in­ter­ests to spark con­ver­sa­tion on a date. Greg “Don’t be afraid to of­fer your opin­ion. If you have a cer­tain sense of hu­mour, show it. We’ll see if we click.” Joseph “I get a one-sen­tence an­swer, and then I have to keep prob­ing. I know some girls are shy, but don’t be afraid to ask me ques­tions.” DON’T PLAN AN ELAB­O­RATE FIRST DATE Men don’t want to feel pres­sured to have to spend hours with you on the first meet­ing. If the first few rounds of drinks go well, they’ll pro­pose a fol­low-up.

Daniel, 29, a res­i­dent physician in Ot­tawa

“I don’t know why some girls want me to meet them and all their friends the first night. I don’t know you yet; I don’t want to be in­tro­duced to your en­tire life story right away.” Les­lie “Never, ever go for din­ner on the first date. Pick some­thing more ca­sual where ei­ther of us can walk away if there’s no spark.” Adam “If drinks are go­ing well, I’ll even sug­gest we catch a show or grab food the same night.” TAKE A TIN­DER BREAK IF THE DATE GOES WELL With all the op­tions out there, it can be dif­fi­cult to stop swip­ing. But most men agree that if the first date is a hit, try not to go on Tin­der for at least a day. They don’t want to know how much you are play­ing the field. Dave “Af­ter the first or sec­ond date, it’s a bit off­putting if some­one’s al­ways ac­tive.” Ju­lian “I try not to go on to give it some level of com­mit­ment. I want to wait for a sec­ond date and not in­tro­duce all these other vari­ables.”

So with these sim­ple tips in mind, swipe away. You might just get swept away. n

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