Anatomy of a Canadian Summer Day

7 a. m. Wake up too early by accident. (Birds.) 7: 15– 10: 15 a. m. Fight to go back to sleep, periodically researching methods of bird genocide.

10: 30 a. m. Give up and get out of bed, but bookmark a few boutique poison shops on Etsy.

11 a. m. Big old breakfast: waffles, fruit, eggs and bacon. These are photos you look at on Instagram while shovelling peanut butter into your mouth.

12 p. m. Stack rocks on other rocks for a really long time. Tell everyone you are “building an inukshuk.” Fail to do so. Throw rocks into the water, telling everyone you are “skipping rocks.” Fail harder.

1: 30 p. m. Dock nap.

2: 30 p. m. Awaken with a confusing new tan line.

3:30 p.m. Barbecue. Everyone talks about how gross hot dogs are and eat several each.

4 p.m. Fight the urge to wear a T-shirt over your bathing suit as you remember many embarrassing years at camp.

5:05 p.m. Wear a T-shirt over your bathing suit.

6 p.m. Plan to go canoeing.

6:05 p.m. Plan immediately backfires and involves so much untying knots, assembling life jackets, heavy lifting and getting the tops of your shoes wet. Also: mosquitoes.

7:30 p.m. Sweaty paddle around the lake. (MOSQUITOES.)

8 p.m. There are fireworks somewhere, and you don’t know why but you’re definitely going to go. 8:30–11:30 p.m. Marshmallows + fire + beer. Repeat as needed. n