LET IT GO

Notes on nail acceptance.

To those with long, healthy nail beds: We know you well. You have nails that manicurists constantly coo over during salon visits—nails that somehow look long even when they’re short. This is by luck/birth/ parentage. Enjoy your position of prestige, but, please, use your supreme powers for good, not evil. Accept that you will never truly live with the anguish of nail issues; as a result, you aren’t fully living the true human experience. To those with short, stubby nail beds: The first step in finding happiness is to ignore those with long, healthy nail beds who are reaping the benefits of genetics they had no control over. Revel in the dark, dramatic polishes you can rock without ever looking overdone or outrageous. You are single-handedly responsible for keeping the “nail growth and care” section of the drugstore in business— a noble contribution to society and capitalism.