I SPIED. NOW WHAT?

1. Come clean and apologize. “Say ‘Listen, I have done this; I don’t want to continue because I don’t like the way it makes me feel and I don’t like what it does to our relationship,’” says Kiru.

2. Figure out why you snooped, and talk about it. “What need is snooping fulfilling for you? Is it curiosity? Uncertainty? Are you looking to feel closer?” asks Pink. “Once you know that, talk to your partner and, as a team, come up with ways you can meet that need.” For example, if you feel the urge to peep at your man’s bank balance because you’re worried he spent the rent money adding to his Stan Smith collection, find some middle ground: Tell him you don’t want to police his budgeting and suggest that he limit new shoes to one pair a month or you look at his account together every six weeks. 3. Make it impossible

for you to snoop. If you feel the urge—mine gets bad after a glass of Malbec—ask him to change his passwords. 4. And if you find something you should be worried about? You’re not off the hook, says Kiru. “Share that you were feeling anxious about the relationship, which led you to make a choice that you realize was a boundary violation. Don’t minimize your partner’s feelings about your snooping just because you’ve uncovered a secret. Then express your concern.” She adds that at this point you may need to see a therapist. “There are likely some bigger issues at stake that require more focused attention.”