ELLE (Canada) - - Guide -

Not get­ting a pos­i­tive re­sponse to your self-im­prove­ment ef­forts? Re­sist the temp­ta­tion to de­liver your best Issa-from- Inse­cure bath­room rap clap­back and in­stead try to un­der­stand where the crit­i­cism is com­ing from. Maybe your friend feels like she won’t be able to re­late to you any­more or your BFF has been want­ing to make a move to her dream city but keeps chick­en­ing out and is there­fore re­sent­ful of your de­ci­sion, says Toronto-based re­la­tion­ship ther­a­pist Natasha Sharma. These re­sponses, while not cool, are nor­mal. Hu­mans are wired to avoid change—our brains are lazy. There’s also ev­i­dence that our pack-an­i­mal in­stincts kick in when these types of changes oc­cur. “The fur­ther away some­one moves from the ‘pack,’ the more of a threat they rep­re­sent,” says Sharma. That said, we’re def­i­nitely not sug­gest­ing you have to live with this be­hav­iour. “Tell friends and fam­ily who push back that while you ap­pre­ci­ate and re­spect that they have their own opin­ions, it is un­fair [for you] to be sub­jected to negativity or judg­ment,” says Sharma. “For in­di­vid­u­als whom you are close to, if they have real con­cerns about a big change you’re look­ing to make, hear them out. For all the other naysay­ers: In one ear, out the other.”

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