WARNING SIGNS

Unsure if one of your relationships is toxic? Here’s what to look for.

“Toxic relationships are largely determined by a person’s sense of safety and happiness—or if their emotional, physical and mental well-being is ever at risk,” says Rena Dosanjh, a registered psychotherapist and associate at Couple Therapy Toronto. It is, admittedly, a broad definition—it can apply to familial, romantic and even workplace relationships—and one that means different things to different people. But if you leave your annual family gathering feeling vulnerable, there are two types of signs to consider. “First, there are external signs, which you can look for in interactions with the family member in question,” says Dosanjh, who is also the co-founder of Relationship Therapy Mississauga. Anything that triggers a negative power dynamic, such as your needs or feelings being disregarded or contemptuous remarks that make you feel minimized, is a red flag. And watch out for criticism that’s heavy in “you” phrases designed to assign blame (like “you should have” or “you didn’t”). But it’s also useful to use your feelings as a compass: Do your interactions with a certain person make you feel shame or guilt? Are you questioning yourself for feeling that way and wondering if you’re a bad daughter or cousin? It might not be you, says Dosanjh. “If you’re feeling emotional or psychological depletion, that’s a sign from within that you’re in a toxic situation.”