MAD LOVE, ADWOA XXXX
Adwoa Aboah is the founder of Gurls Talk, a community-led organization dedicated to promoting the mental health and well-being of adolescent gxrls and young womxn.
Looking back at my mental-health journey, I wondered why I had to hit rock bottom before I got help. Why did I feel so much loneliness and shame about having messy feelings when they are so common and natural? If only I’d had the tools and language to communicate with those around me. And so I founded my mental-health organization, Gurls Talk, to provide a safe and supportive space to go to, no matter how big or small the problem, so no one ever has to reach a breaking point. Without being too preachy, I want to share some things I’ve realized throughout my journey— things I wish I could tell my younger self.
Uncertainty is natural. Sometimes school, and those around you in school, can make you feel like you should already know exactly what you want. I didn’t. So let me be the voice that tells you that it’s okay if you don’t know exactly who you are or what you want. Uncertainty leads to periods of growth, and it’s incredibly important to sit with yourself and your discomfort so you can learn who you are.
There is no “one path.” Life doesn’t move in a linear way; it takes time, and we are always growing. I’m still learning now—often from all of you! You can and should feel empowered to be a combination of things and pieces. You are not just one identity, and you can take unconventional routes after graduating. Fitting in isn’t as important as you may currently think.
Protect your self-worth and boundaries. Stand up for yourself. I’ll say it again: Stand up for yourself. Refuse to let people walk all over you. Every time I didn’t say anything and tried to fit in, I felt so heavy and minimized, making it near impossible for me to grow. I urge you to trust yourself, ignore the external perceptions of who you should be and form your own personhood. Explore your passions, and be curious about what brings you joy and meaning. Don’t let feelings of insecurity or a need to conform hold you back. It’s okay and completely natural to fail sometimes. Actually, it’s important—we learn from failure. Also, be patient and kind with yourself—always, but especially now. And ask for help when you need it.
Find your community. Find your people and nourish your relationships. You do not have to go through all of this alone. I used to feel isolated, but finding a community with shared experiences helped me see that I wasn’t alone, and it normalized those experiences. Find people who share your values. They are out there. Speak up and find spaces that let you do so without judgment or shame. I did the opposite. I learned to not talk about things—the fears I had, that we all have. I wasn’t able to articulate them. If I had opened up back then, I would have realized that these things are natural. Take care of yourself, but also take care of others. Listen, and encourage others to do the same. Whatever you’re going through isn’t trivial.
Between a global pandemic and the fight for racial justice, these are unprecedented times, and I am floored by the strength and resilience that I’m seeing from your generation. You have been unapologetic and fearless leaders in the quest for equality and have stood up for the most marginalized communities, demonstrating that, indeed, All Black Lives Matter.
Gen Z, you have accomplished so much and continue to set the example of what leadership and change look like—but please know that it is not solely your responsibility to solve everything. It is our collective job to create the future that we want to see, and it’s essential to tap into our own individual strengths to create meaningful change.
As you embark on a new chapter, I encourage you to open up, lean into your communities and let them carry you through the uncertainty. Now, likely more than ever in your lifetime, people are showing up and illustrating how our fates are interconnected. But the onus is not on you individually—it is on society as a whole. And as we all know, we are far more powerful when we work together. Thank you and good luck.