LANGUISHING

What do you say when someone asks “How are you doing?”

I think I would answer that I’ve reached my maximum Zoom capacity. After 455 Groundhog Days, I no longer have any idea how to make life interesting. I jog, have coffee, Zoom, reply to emails, make calls, Zoom, say no to my kids when they want to go “chill” with their friends, Zoom, make dinner, eat, watch TV, sleep. Oh, and load and unload the dishwasher—twice.

During a virtual get-together with friends the other day, we asked each other what we were looking forward to besides the pandemic ending. Beyond vague short- and medium-term projects, there’s not much to get excited about. We can’t even look forward to small gatherings outside or eating on the terrace of a favourite restaurant just yet. Being positive has its limits. We can be thankful for our health, for having roofs over our heads and for the fact that we live in a country like Canada, but our lives are not necessarily filled with joy at the moment.

An article in The New York Times titled “There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing” brilliantly identifies this state. Author Adam Grant’s definition of “languishing” is the feeling of stagnation and inner emptiness that’s a result of living in an unpleasant or undesirable situation for a long time. In psychology, he says, mental health is assessed on a spectrum ranging from “depression” to “flourishing.” “Languishing” is the middle childthe in-between feeling that corresponds to the absence of well-being.

The adrenalin caused by our sense of urgency in the spring of 2020 has sneakily given way to fatigue. Our appetite for new projects is slowly diminishing, and everything has become more complicated, like renting a cottage (hello, exorbitant prices), buying a bike (there aren’t any left) and doing renovations (the price of materials has tripled, and good luck finding a contractor). We’re tired, and this state has become the norm. “Not depressed” doesn’t mean we’re happy. “Not exhausted” doesn’t mean we’re full of energy.

Psychologists have found that one of the best strategies for managing emotions is to name them. So the next time someone asks me how I’m doing, my answer will be “I suffer from languishing.” How about you?