How choosing to be childless has changed Samra Habib’s sense of sisterhood.

Children have a way of changing your friendships, especially if you don’t have kids of your own.

Lasting romantic relationships aren’t my strength. I am too neurotic and critical to be the kind of forgiving partner who loves unconditionally. Certain shortcomings, like bad taste in music and food or a lack of interest in reading or social issues, which might seem minor to most, can be major deal breakers for me. After two divorces, I have learned that the only relationships in which I am able to be the best version of myself are the ones I have with my close female friends. Perhaps it’s because I’m better at choosing them than I am at selecting romantic partners.

My closest female friends understand and even appreciate that my neurosis is how I navigate the world. During harsh times, my friends provide me with a cocoon of emotional support until I feel brave enough to face the world again. It was the resilient and supportive women in my life who convinced me that I am too good for subpar partners. Their love and unfiltered honesty fill gaps in my life that a romantic partner might fill for others.

When I was 32, I noticed that our cherished friendships were beginning to change. It started with Tania.* We had been close since university. I was there for her various heartaches and a destabilizing layoff, and she was one of the first people I came out to as queer. The nurturing and intimate foundation of our friendship had taken years to perfect. I’d pick up the phone and comfort her if she called in the middle of the night after a breakup or family tragedy. And I knew that Tania would react perfectly (i.e., leave a not-so-subtle screaming congratulatory message on my voice mail) after I received great professional news.

Then she had a baby. It seems obvious now, but at the time I wasn’t prepared for how the dynamic of our friendship would change once she was a mother. I was incredibly happy for her, of course, and I did my best to be part of her new life. I would babysit when she needed a break and provide an adult ear for all the daycare gossip. Still, there came a point in our nearly-20-year friendship when things felt forced. We were living such different lives, and we both knew it.

Seeing how emotionally taxing parenting was, I no longer felt compelled to burden Tania with my romantic problems and creative roadblocks. Despite repeatedly voicing how much we missed each other, we found that actually spending time together had become increasingly challenging. The only validation Tania and I provide each other with now is through mutual social media likes.

I experienced a similar shift in my relationship with my sister when she had her son. I don’t plan on having children, but nothing gives me greater joy than playing with my rambunctious four-year-old nephew. I also take great »