Beware of married lovers who only use you for a purpose

He’s been married for 12 years (no children) and was unhappy for a year before we met.

He’s terrified of leaving because it’s all he’s known. And afraid of losing everything, starting over, and hurting a woman he still cares so much about. I get that. But when I try to break it off, he turns up in tears saying how much he loves me I want him to leave her - not for me, but because he was unhappy before me. But last night we had another fight when he said he didn’t want to leave her, yet he spends all his time thinking about me, with me, and loving me. My only solution now is to cut him out as best I can. I have to see him once a week for work, but other than that I can end everything else.

I don’t want his wife to find out - I don’t want her to hurt that way. I’d never tell her. But why do people always advise staying in a marriage? Just because you married someone doesn’t mean they’re the right person for you forever. People change.

– The Other Woman Six months is long enough for him to know if he’s ready to leave his marriage. He’s not. Many advisors do not always recommend staying in an unhappy union. But most, including me, advise people who are considering leaving a spouse to know first that they’ve tried to make it work. And also to seek some counselling for both partners or at least for themselves. Unless this man truly understands what contribution he might’ve made to being unhappy with her, or how he missed seeing whatever changes were happening - his next relationship can also become disappointing. You don’t want that. Currently, you’re his escape. Don’t accept him back unless he makes the break on his own, and wants you for a life together. A married lover who wants only an affair sees you as his/ her escape fantasy, not a real partner.