Treat a roommate how you want to be treated
My roommate and I agreed last fall on a nighttime house temperature.
I messed up several times and left it too hot before going to sleep (maybe she messed up too.
I didn’t care enough to remember).
Recently, I woke up to her message that I left the heat too high again (I was sick and cold so turned it up, then fell asleep). She was mad and wants me to move out after school ends.
I’m fine with that, and don’t want to live with someone who doesn’t want to live with me. But I’m wondering how to proceed from here and if I’m correct to think this is a bit weird and an overreaction.
– Overheated
You could’ve left a note explaining that you were sick and feeling ill.
You could’ve recognized before this incident, that though you didn’t care about more heat, she really cared. Being a roommate is often a first practical experience of having to get along with another person for mutual convenience. She’s upset that you don’t care about an agreement you made.
Maybe heating costs are also worrying her.
Apologize. Take responsibility that way, not by excusing yourself because you “messed up,” which sounds childish and dismissive.
We have a friend who is the most awful cook, but thinks her food is wonderful.
She keeps asking us over for meals and we’re running out of excuses.
Is it ever okay to tell someone you can’t eat their food? And what excuse (if any) would make her stop inviting us?
– Unappetizing
Is it ever okay to straightout tell someone who’s a generous and thoughtful friend, something that will hurt and embarrass them? No.
A friend thinks of another approach. Examples: You insist on a pot luck dinner, bring the main course, get someone else to bring side dishes, another makes or buys dessert.
Insist that the friend’s hospitality is enough, or all she should contribute is some wine.
Also, here’s a perfect special gift for her birthday or whatever: Sign her up to a cooking course and attend with her, two friends enjoying time out together and improving their cooking skills.
TIP OF THE DAY
Treat a roommate how you want to be treated, respectfully and responsibly.