Try changing reactions to another’s behavior

My husband insists that his parents should babysit our one-year-old son. I don’t trust them.

His mother was more focused on our wedding being about her. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety, from issues with my childhood and mother.

His mother says I should just forget about it. Whenever I’d say something that offended her, she’d “tattle” to my husband, causing a fight between us. I called her and said she’s a pathetic B **** . We agreed to be civil for him but then she denied ever “tattling” on me. I had a rough pregnancy and we agreed that she’d take me to appointments. She did, only once. It was decided that we’d spend one holiday a year with them and the other two with my side (my parents are divorced). She told my husband that he didn’t come from a “broken family.” I’ve tried to ignore them for his sake but they’re manipulative and selfish. I understand he loves them and wants them to have a relationship with our son, but I’m happier away from them.

My husband said that if things don’t get better we won’t last. I love him, but why should I always be the one trying? — What Am I To Do?

You could realize that you can’t change your in-laws but that you can change your reactions for the sake of your marriage.

You could also get further counselling for your own personal issues so that they aren’t blocking your making healthy compromises with your husband. Examples: Stop purposefully offending your mother-in-law, such as name-calling. Hire a neutral babysitter, not your in-laws on a regular basis (it’s too likely to spark greater conflict).

Make a fresh start by seeing your in-laws when you’re up for it, and letting your husband visit with them sometimes on his own or with your child (without you resenting it).