Don’t make sacrifices to feel like you belong

I’d become friends this past year with a woman who’d moved to my neighbourhood.

We both walk our dogs in the local park.

I introduced her to another dog-walker with whom I had a nodding acquaintance and soon noticed that my new friend would look around for her.

I arrived late one day, just as they were discussing the area’s fanciest restaurant, and realized that they’d gone to lunch there without inviting me. But now I accidentally overheard that the two women are going on a shopping spree together to the high-end mall. Their reason for excluding me is painfully obvious: Both women drive luxury cars, and wear designer clothes even to walk their dogs.

That’s not my style. And I can’t afford it if I wanted it. I’m very hurt and don’t know whether to visibly avoid them or just find another park.

– Mean Girls

So sad. Middle School has come back to haunt you. Yes, these are mean-acting

women. And the lessons of exclusion that many kids have to learn early, still apply.

This says more about them than you. You were welcoming to a newcomer, regardless of social or financial status. She’s ungrateful and a climber, more attracted to glitter than generosity of spirit.

She wasn’t a longtime friend. She’s a dog-walking acquaintance.

Now that you know both of their characters better, they should stay in that category in your mind.

See them in the park, expect nothing more. Never hide from them; they’re not worth the emotional toll. Grown-ups need real friends we can count on.

Read Ellie Monday to Saturday. Email ellie@thestar.ca. Follow @ellieadvice.