Explain your feelings rather than limits
My husband travels overseas often, for work and training. Co-workers from around the world also attend these training courses.
After several relationship-defining discussions (i.e. arguments), I’ve made peace with the fact that he becomes friends very easily with these men and women. Most of them he’s known longer than he’s known me.
However, I’m uncomfortable regarding one female colleague. She has a history of cheating on her partner. One of her flings was with a co-worker whom my husband also knows.†
She and my husband often message each other on Facebook and WhatsApp. They share what, in my opinion, are intimate details of their lives.
This was the focal point of one of our arguments, as I didn’t want my details shared with a stranger.
She has a track record. Though my husband gives me no reason to distrust him, I’d like my feelings at the forefront of how he interacts with her. Chances of meeting her myself and getting to know her are slim, since we’re on opposite ends of the country.
Am I out of line to suggest that he keep the relationship strictly professional, for my sake and peace of mind?†
– Uncomfortable Wife
It’s the woman whom you distrust, not your husband. That’s the message you can convey (not argue), so long as you don’t suggest that he’s too weak to resist her.
Soften your approach. Explain that, for a wife who can’t attend these overseas get-togethers with all their casual camaraderie, the thought of a proven flingseeking woman who’s already his friend, is unnerving.
Add, too, that you worry that she’s already too interested in details of his marital relationship with you.
Don’t question his professionalism. Stay with what you feel: You love him and don’t want to worry when he’s away.
If you two are still arguing about this after that conversation, and he doesn’t adequately reassure you, there’s more distrust about this than you admit.
TIP OF THE DAY
Explain your feelings, rather than argue limits, about another woman’s interest in your man.