Learn to adjust

I’m 32, dating a 45-year-old man whom I knew for six weeks before being in a relationship with him for two weeks.

He showed intense feelings/ affection to me, looked after me, called me “beauty,” “angel,” “sunshine,” and said this was his first time in love.

We were having an excellent phone conversation last week when he asked me the same question twice, though I’d provided the information which was a fiveseconds statement.

He knew about it the previous day. I just said that I’d mentioned it in my text and even in the opening conversation. “How come you forgot?” I was sweet and neutral, not scornful, and asked simply that people say, “Do you have a good memory?”

When I asked him the repeated question earlier after a while, he said he remembered we covered it.

I apologized profusely for the error. But after saying how much he loved me and fancied me 24/7, he said we’re not a good fit for each other and that was his last straw. I lost a great supportive guy.

– Heartbroken

Two weeks is a very short “relationship” time, but long enough during a rush of early dating excitement to start to show gaps in your understanding of each other, and missteps in your ways of communicating because of those gaps.

I find your email, printed here as you sent it, somewhat confusing. Your answer to him sounded impatient, as if his not remembering was a purposeful act.

I’m sure you didn’t mean it to sound that way, but you didn’t pick up on his reaction, he was offended.

If you see it this way now, reach out again. Acknowledge that you have different conversation styles, perhaps affected by your using text for the original information which was being discussed the next day by phone.

If text is your most common way to communicate, and talking directly is his, you both need to adjust to reach each other.

Text has no nuances, while talking personally does. Best to avoid using text for an exchange that has emotional content.

That requires listening with your heart and talking out any confusion, instead of tapping off a snap answer. Later, it was the “memory” question that got to him.