New beginnings
After going blind at 47, P.E.I. woman learns to find freedom, confidence again
ALBERTON, P.E.I. – For some people, losing their sight later in life would seem like an end.
For Jennifer MacKinnon, it has been a new beginning.
Since going blind at age 47, the Fredericton, P.E.I., woman has tried many new things and experienced a ton of ‘firsts.’ Re-learning to cook. Navigating a new washing machine.
Her first airplane ride – to Cuba, in mid-March.
The list goes on and on. It hasn’t been easy, but anything is possible with perseverance and a little help from your friends.
“You’re still limited, and you’re learning,” said MacKinnon, now 49. “You’re going from a full-sighted person to someone who can’t see.”
When she lost her sight, all MacKinnon could think of was one day returning to work as a nurse – a goal that, while it brought her hope as well as stress.
“That’s how I define myself,” she said. “I really like nursing. I really do.” Her doctor recommended she find an outlet to channel her emotions, so she found a new way to spend her days in the form of yet another first.
Multiple times a week – sometimes even twice a day – you can find MacKinnon at Alberton’s Iron Haven Gym, working the machines as much as laughing with her friends.
During a frustrating time in her life, MacKinnon said the gym was exactly what she needed for her mental health to return to form.
NEWLY BLIND
When she was a child, MacKinnon was diagnosed with idiopathic intracranial hypertension (IIH) – high blood pressure in her skull.
A shunt in her spine helped manage symptoms for much of her life – until, in October 2019, she started experiencing headaches, felt unwell and had vision problems.
“I said, ‘jeez, there’s something not right,’” said MacKinnon. “And it just kept getting worse.”
She went to the hospital and had a new shunt put in – this time in her head – and felt near-instant relief. It did not solve her sight issues, but the hope was, given time, it could improve. It didn’t.
A few months later, the shunt shifted out of place and her symptoms returned.
She went back to Halifax for a new shunt replacement; by then, though, her vision was gone.
“I can see shadows, I can see your outline and stuff, I can see a little thing of light,” said MacKinnon. “Some colours are better, overcast days seem to be better. Bright lights, sometimes they’re good.”
Still, she is unable to read, unable to drive or return to work, and needs assistance to get around – whether it be a friend guiding her or using the cane she has been practicing with.
A NEW WORLD
Her first few months without vision, MacKinnon felt lost.
“I just said, ‘OK, I’m gonna give myself three months of pity party, and then I’m done,” she said. “I just have to move on.”
Losing her sight was rough enough; needing to ask for help made her situation tougher. With MacKinnon’s nursing background, she’s more comfortable giving help than receiving it.
“In the beginning, it was very hard. I’m not gonna deny it,” said MacKinnon.
Little things she’d previously taken for granted, like cooking, choosing outfits or washing dishes, were now challenges to navigate.
She recalls one incident involving turned cheese.
“I made lasagna soup, and later on (my husband) went for a piece of cheese, he said, ‘what cheese did you use?’ I said, ‘oh, that stuff on the top shelf on the left-hand-side,’” said MacKinnon.
“He said, ‘yeah, full of mould.’”
Now, MacKinnon boasts that she can cook nearly anything, use the washing machine on her own and even use the computer with the help of a screen-reading program.
“It feels good,” she said. “Maybe I’m arrogant in some ways because I know I can do it.”
STRENGTH IN COMMUNITY
Despite how hard it was having to ask for help, MacKinnon now finds herself grateful for those at her side – both old friends and new.
One friend, Cheryl Hackett, has known MacKinnon since childhood.
When Hackett thinks of MacKinnon, one word comes to mind: brave.
“A lot of her firsts, I did with her,” she said. “Going out to a restaurant to eat. We get into the restaurant and I see her hands shaking and I just say ‘look, we’re just taking this one step at a time.’”
Her biggest support, though, comes from hitting the gym with Hackett, as well as fellow childhood friend Kim DesRoches and new friend Mona Jeffery, who she met through Hackett.
“The gym has been lifechanging for Jennifer,” said Hackett. “For all of us, but for her, really.”
In particular, MacKinnon credits the newfound pastime for her growing confidence. In her earlier years, she used to be a tag-along, following the crowd. Now, she asserts herself, voices her own ideas and frequently makes her friends laugh at her quips.
“When you’re alone and you’re thinking about it, and you think about what you had, you could get yourself pretty deep,” said MacKinnon.
“I’m not in a bad predicament, because I have the social (life) and I have the will to go … It was a friggin’ eye opener – pardon the pun.”