I’m not cut out for the Christ­mas Card-mailing life

Kingston Whig-Standard - - NEWS - BEN MCLEAN Ben McLean is a hus­band, a fa­ther, and won­ders what­ever hap­pened to tin­sel. He can be heard week­day morn­ings on 98.9 The Drive and reached at ben­m­clean­col­[email protected]

It’s pretty much a hol­i­day mir­a­cle that no one ever seems to ques­tion why you feel ob­li­gated to send Christ­mas cards to your friends and fam­ily as you get older.

As a sin­gle twenty-some­thing, I never once felt com­pelled to mail them out over the hol­i­days. For one thing, it would’ve been hard to find an en­tire box of Christ­mas cards at Shop­pers Drug Mart that con­tained just the right mes­sage.

May the spirit of giv­ing fill your heart this sea­son and also I just beat Shad­ows Of The Em­pire for GameCube while eat­ing Cool Ranch Dori­tos.

Since get­ting mar­ried and be­com­ing a par­ent, though, that un­spo­ken pres­sure to re­turn the fes­tive ges­ture to friends and fam­ily seems to have grown.

Wish­ing you a mag­i­cal hol­i­day sea­son and a won­drous new year.

What does that even mean?! Why do I have to start speak­ing to my bud­dies like Dum­ble­dore just be­cause it’s Christ­mas?! Lis­ten, here’s my wish: I hope there’s a month where you open your hy­dro bill and think, “Well, that’s not as much as I ex­pected.” As for main­tain­ing your yule­tide cheer, good­will and won­der­ment, I have no idea.

Even if you opted for blank Christ­mas cards, there’s still the is­sue of tak­ing a fes­tive pho­to­graph that mea­sures up to ev­ery­one else’s. How far are peo­ple driv­ing to find these Nordic ski chalet back­grounds?! This is On­tario! My car would run out of gas be­fore find­ing an out­door photo lo­ca­tion that doesn’t in­clude a pot­hole or a Tim Hor­tons fran­chise.

While I love re­ceiv­ing them, I’m just not cut out for the Christ­mas card-mailing life. If you ab­so­lutely need to have one from me this sea­son, please cut out this col­umn and spray it with Rein­deer’s Musk Fe­breze.

Have a won­drous week­end!

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