One historic kiss for marriage equality
It was the kiss seen around the world—a viral phenomenon in the pre-social media era. On the steps of a courthouse building in downtown Toronto, in June 2003, mere hours a er the Ontario Superior Court had affirmed that the exclusion of same-sex couples from the definition of marriage violated Canada’s Charter of Rights and Freedoms, Michael Stark and his brand-new husband, Michael Leshner—the first legally wed gay couple in the country— shared a smooch that would go down in history. Here the pair, now aged 61 and 71 respectively, reflect on their groundbreaking nuptials.
Michael Stark: We’ve been together 38 years. I never thought I’d live to see this much change. When I first came out—only a year before I met Michael—I thought life was going to be terrible: I’d be alone, I’d be miserable, I’d be discriminated against. The thought of meeting someone and spending a lifetime
together never even entered into the equation for me back then.
Michael Leshner: It was a legal revolution at the same time that it was a social one. I think it was because I was a Crown attorney that a lot of people gave me a second look, a second chance. I filed a human rights suit in 1988, and then one in 1992, for pension benefits, which was the first time a gay couple was recognized as a constitutionally protected entity. I worked with colleagues who were married and had full benefits, and as an out gay man, the discrimination stared me in the face: a er a year, Michael and I should have been entitled to the full benefits of commonlaw relationships—nearly the equivalent of marriage. And there was nothing.
MS: From those hardships, there are always some people who’ll rise to the challenge. It wasn’t me, per se. But Michael’s sense of injustice—he couldn’t let that go.
ML: I was an activist/catalyst who felt comfortable as an advocate, and who could speak to the press in a language they—and the public—understood. I always joked that I was influenced by the women’s movement, books
and movies. And what moved me, watching as an adolescent in a darkened theatre, were these images of people who didn’t buckle and who succeeded at the end of the movie. Sure, I internalized homophobia, but I also internalized heroes and heroines. And in the end, heroes and heroines won out.
MS: It was mother’s milk to Michael. If I hadn’t been with him, there’s no way I would have been doing any of this on my own. I was this naive kid from Nova Scotia . . . ML: And I channel Meryl Streep. MS: There were some challenging years. I could have easily said, “You know what? I’m out of here. This is too much for me.” But the opposite happened. I think we grew closer together because of it. ML: And Michael became stronger. MS: You proposed to me when we won the first marriage case [Halpern v. Canada, which began hearings in November 2001 and was decided on July 12, 2002].
ML: I decided in the moment and popped the question. I felt slightly nervous: What if he says no? I thought he might say, “I’ll tell you tonight,” or something. They’d said it would take two years for the government to address legislative issues [related to expanding the definition of marriage], which is part of why I’d asked him to marry me. My hope was that if he said yes, we’d be legally engaged as of that day, at least in the public’s mind.
MS: [Less than a year later,] they told us on the Thursday before we got married that the decision was coming out on Tuesday. Michael felt it was important that if the decision was in our favour, someone should get married right away, so there’d be one married couple. We thought the government would appeal right away.
ML: But if you already have one marriage in place, what are you going to do with that marriage? I didn’t think the Supreme Court would say no if we were married. Are they going to say no one else can get married, but this couple can? Does that sound like justice?
MS: Michael, with his usual flair, had lined up three judges to marry us in case the first two got hit by a bus. On the Thursday, when we knew it was coming up, we got our haircuts, we bought suits . . .
ML: I took Schmikey [the couple’s late dog, a photogenic schnauzer] to buy rings at Birks.
MS: We wanted to get married in the courtroom, but they wouldn’t let us.
ML: They said administratively, weddings could not be conducted in a courtroom. Here it was, this joyous case that went around the world, and they were going to say we couldn’t get married in an empty courtroom.
MS: So we ended up getting married in, like, a storage cupboard in the old Superior Court building.
ML: It was very democratic. In contrast to the current era of antagonistic, evil populism, this was truly an inclusive, democratic moment. The cleaning ladies were all there, clapping. Our lawyers were our attendants; they gave us away, symbolically. The law firm had an articling student bring my 90-yearold mother from the nursing home. I’m sure she had no idea why she was in a courthouse, but she started beaming when she saw me. The judge started to read our vows, and my mother, God bless her, I think the dementia kicked in, and she started to sing O Canada.
MS: I wouldn’t say it was necessarily a romantic service, but it was exhilarating. A er the ceremony, we walked out to the steps of 361 University Avenue, and the press was there, and we spoke. Citytv ran around trying to find champagne glasses. Then they opened the champagne, poured it, and we toasted each other—and we toasted Canada.
ML: For about a year or so a erward, when our faces were really recognizable, people would come up to us. What really touched us was mothers and grandmothers.
MS: We were in the Manulife Centre [a shopping complex in downtown Toronto] one day, a couple of months a er the wedding, and an elderly woman came over and said, “I just want to thank you. My grandson can get married now.” We did [get married] for us, but we really did it for the bigger world.