Teen’s Son’s violent violent behaviour behaviour scares cannot stepmother be trusted

Dear Annie: When I married my husband, his son, “D.J.” was six years old. My children from my first marriage were slightly older. Right from the start, D.J. was a handful. He was violent and often in trouble at school.

A year into the marriage, my husband and I had a son together. That same year, D.J. was diagnosed with ADHD and aggressive behaviour and was put on medication. D.J. is now 14. In the intervening years, he has killed animals, pushed his younger brother off a patio and tried to suffocate him, and recently hit him in the eye and caused permanent damage to his vision. D.J. went to live with his mother three years ago. She took him off all of his medications.

Last summer, I insisted that D.J. stay with my in-laws, who are completely blind to his flaws. I told my husband he could visit D.J. as often as he wanted, and for six weeks, my husband spent every day with his older son, while our kids barely saw him.

The problem is, D.J. will be coming to visit again this summer. While I understand that this is my husband’s son, I must protect our younger kids from his violence. My husband is upset that I don’t want D.J. in our home. Please help.

Scared to Death

Dear Scared: D.J. sounds like a very disturbed young man who takes his hostility out on your children. Based on his track record, he cannot be trusted around them. It must be difficult for your husband to accept that his son is so violent, but we think having D.J. stay with his grandparents is sensible. We hope your husband will consider getting some counselling for him, and also for the entire family.

Dear Annie: “Broken” said his ex-girlfriend dropped by, they had a couple of beers, and because he had taken a sleep aid earlier, he fell asleep and woke up having sex with her. You said he apparently didn’t make a conscious decision to cheat on his current girlfriend.

I wish you had pointed out that what happened to him was rape. Any person who wakes up in that situation is a victim, regardless of their gender.

Concerned Citizen

Dear Concerned: If the ex had given him the sleeping pill, we would agree. But she was unaware of it. In fact, it’s possible “Broken” initiated the sexual contact. Nonetheless, you are right that men can also be the victims of rape Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. Visit www.creators.com to find out more about Annie’s Mailbox