A’s lose Ramirez for trimester
SEATTLE – Brad Dickson in the Omaha (Neb.) World-herald, on ads in Montreal newspapers encouraging people to ask God to help the Canadiens: “God said he’ll get back to them after dotting the I’s on Tim Tebow’s new underwear-endorsement deal.” A rockin’ hockey fan: Alice Cooper’s next hit tune, perhaps: OOHH’S Out For Winter. “You can go see a baseball game, basketball, football – there’s never a game where you jump out of your seat as at a hockey game,” the aging rocker and Phoenix Coyotes fanatic told Associated Press. “I keep saying the game should be called ‘OOHH!’ be-cause I do that 20 times a night: go ‘OOHH!’ It’s by far the most fun sport to watch live.” Expensive swimsuit: Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, on SI cover model Kate Upton’s $180 swimsuit: “Or roughly $120,000 per ounce.” Current-events quiz: NASCAR driver Danica Patrick told reporters not to call her a sex symbol: a) during a break in qualifying for Sunday’s Daytona 500. b) immediately after a bikini change at her latest photo shoot. St. Patrick’s party: Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, to ESPN.COM, on why he ponied up $40,000 to help save the annual St. Patrick’s Day parade in Dallas: “I figured if I had lost enough brain cells there, everybody else should get that opportunity, too.” Headlines of the week: Two from Sportspickle.com: “Knicks front office unsure of how they’re going to mess this one up” and “Every pitcher and catcher feeling pretty sore after yesterday’s jumping jacks.” The good old days: Bob Molinaro of the Norfolk Virginian-pilot, on celebrating another birthday: “How old am I? Old enough to remember when the collected wisdom of the world resided with barbers and taxi drivers, not bloggers.” It’s crowded in coach: How about that 21-man Miami Dolphins coaching staff ? “Lot of specialists there,” admitted Greg Cote of the Miami Herald. “I think the backup long snapper has his own coach.” Cote added: “Miami is the only team with an assistant coach in charge of counting other assistant coaches.” Daly Double Dept.: Golfer John Daly is blaming his elbow injury in Australia on the fifth: a) hole he was playing. b) of vodka he was chugging. You make the call: Former president Bill Clinton, to the refs who worked last Sunday’s Heat-magic game, after posing for a post-game picture with them: “No one in this building, other than me, has been second-guessed more than you guys.” What’s that noise? Belarusian tennis star Victoria Azarenka, to a reporter in Qatar who asked about her on-court grunting: “Do you snore?” The Washington Generals? TNT’S Kenny Smith, on the play of the hapless Washington Wizards: “I’m just waiting for the bucket with the confetti to come out one night.” Voting list: Mike Bianchi of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, on reports that 8 million dead people are still on voter-registration rolls: “And 12 of them are on the roster of the Charlotte Bobcats.” Pregnant pause: How’s this for poetic justice? New Athletics signee Manny Ramirez – who once tested positive for a female fertility drug – has to sit out the season’s first trimester. Fast Food Dept.: Baseball experts expect to see quite a race in the American League East this season. And that’s just CC Sabathia and Michael Pineda sprinting for the postgame buffet. A dog’s world: Syndicated columnist Norman Chad, unearthing a little-known fact at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show: “The Australian Terrier chases his tail counterclockwise.” Here’s the beef: The cheerleading coach is out at Cypress Woods (Tex.) High School, Houston’s KPRC-TV reported, after one of her charges secretly recorded a rant in which the coach called her team “highfalutin’ heifers.”