Mom’s poor health forces son to make tough choice
Dear Annie: My spouse and I are in a 40-year same-sex relationship. Seven years ago, we had a legal marriage, but my family refused to recognize it. My brother’s wife went so far as to write letters to the local newspaper urging repeal of the law. My youngest sister said, “We were ordered not to deal with you any longer.” Needless to say, I ended all relationships that didn’t accept my husband.
Following retirement, my husband and I moved to another state. I recently heard that my mother is in very poor health. Since I was always the one who helped and organized things in my family, I feel the need to assist. But, Annie, I struggled for 30 years to be able to say “I do.” Their lack of recognition makes it hard to have anything to do with them until they first apologize to me and, in particular, to my husband. Should I take the higher road and contact my mother, or hold to the firm ideal that my spouse is more important and I must put him first?
Gay and Proud Son
Dear Proud Son: There is no reason this must be a zero-sum game. You already have put your husband first. It doesn’t mean you can’t stay in contact with people you love (and who, presumably, still love you) within limited, controlled boundaries. If visiting Mom with your husband isn’t possible and visiting without him is not acceptable, you don’t have to see her. But please call. You may not get another chance, and you shouldn’t have any regrets.
Dear Annie: I am 68 and have been dating “Ken,” age 71, for three years. He’s very generous and kind. I know he takes a lot of medication, so I’ve never questioned what appears to be a lack of interest in sex.
Ken’s house is always neat. He told me he has a housekeeper. She never comes when I’m there, and I had not even thought about her. However, his sister recently informed me that the housekeeper is Ken’s ex-wife.
I don’t want to cause any problems in what appears to be a close-knit family, so how should I handle this unexpected news?
Just Another Senior Moment
Dear Senior: It’s possible the ex-wife is only cleaning the bedroom, not using it, but still, it’s quite an unusual arrangement, and we think it deserves to be addressed. Ask Ken when the housekeeper is due to come, as you’d like to meet the woman who keeps his home so neat. When he tells you it’s his exwife, ask him to explain his reasoning.