Woman takes helicopter parenting to the extreme
Dear Annie: I have been best friends with “Lisa” for more than 25 years. We are both single mothers. Her 16-year-old son, “Dean,” is friends with my 17-year-old son, “Jon.”
I have begun to notice that Lisa is overly attached to Dean. When we go somewhere after work, she says she can’t stay because Dean wants her home. He’ll call or text that it’s time for her to leave, and she happily complies. She asks Dean for permission before going anywhere on weekends.
Jon has been accepted to a few out-of-state universities, and I am excited about him living on his own. Lisa, however, says she is going wherever Dean goes, and right now, he wants to join the army. She found a master’s program for the military that she can finish by the time he graduates, and she can then live wherever he’s stationed — for his entire military career. When I jokingly said his future wife would love that, she replied, “Who says he’s getting married?”
I know it’s not my business, but I remember when one of Lisa’s boyfriends broke up with her. I witnessed breakdowns, depression and stalking. I would not like to see her go through that again. Is it my place to say anything? If so, what?
Worried Friend
Dear Worried: Lisa is an extreme helicopter parent, and it’s terribly unhealthy for the child. And Dean knows he controls the relationship. We know it’s not Lisa’s intention to stunt Dean’s development out of selfishness and possessiveness. It’s OK to talk to her about a child’s need to become independent and how parents should not deprive the child of this progress toward maturity. But the two of them are rather enmeshed right now, and there’s not much you can do. We hope Lisa finds the perspective to realize the emotional damage she could do to their relationship.
Dear Annie: I need to respond to “It’s Only Hair.” As a former businessperson, my company hired only employees who were well groomed to represent our establishment. If a prospective employee appeared looking like something the dog brought home from a weekend fling, there was no way he would be considered.
Tattoos, long hair, whiskers or a junkyard of iron piercings on their face and ears are simply not appropriate when looking for an emissary for your business. Young adults looking for employment might consider presenting a better image of themselves.
Oregon